For those 12 of you who just started singing and/or humming that song in some fashion or another G-d bless you. For everyone else brush up on your '90's pop already.
My brother and I haven't spoken for awhile. No- no Lifetime story is to follow we just realized we have lives...or at least I did. But, today he graced me with a Facebook status we couldn't deny.
"If I see any1 dress their dog up in a freaking Snuggie, they better call Sarah McLaughlin cause me & Mike Vick ain't haven it!"
It's probably horribly unethical and going to reserve me a spot in hell for at least 10 mins. but, I laughed. In fact, I'm still laughing. You should laugh too that way I won't be alone.-- not that I should be worried about being alone while in hell but, I am.
"Justin D. Bieber- Let me tell you one time, I love you."
For those of you non-American pop culture obsessed humans out there, know that Justin Bieber is the latest tweeny bop sensation. For someone who, at best, reaches my chest and by the looks of it ages at about 10 he's got a voice, a good voice even. I, too, thought he was another fad but, I accidentally stumbled upon this video yesterday and discovered under all that American spirit and Hollywood make-up there's talent. I know, I know, it'll suck once he hits puberty and reality sets in but, look at those cheeks! Today, only furthered my increasing crush on the Bieb as I discovered he can sing in French, perhaps the Canadian, not sure. But, when he belts out "Aucun autre visage ne m'a rendu fou, now all I see is you," I melt. Then I hear, "I'm coming for you."
So here it is everyone:
Dearest Justin Bieber,
Despite your lack of vertical distance and an actual Adam's apple I think you're adorable. You're lyrics only sound significant in French, true but, this we can work past. I write, you sing, we both like crayons, juice-boxes, and naps. So do, do come, and make me one less lonely girl.
Love, PTexan
He's more famous for his smash hit: One Time. YouTube making dreams come true, again.
Working as a diversity advocate/CommUNITY Educator at a Big 10 university I hear and see a lot; but, when a co-worker, during our wed. night staff meeting, brought this story (below) to my attention I laughed hard. In fact, I was tickled pink. Perhaps it was my co-workers vibrant retelling which shielded the extent to this (below) teacher's genuine ignorance but, the laughter has now turned to anger and disappointment. The video is below for each of you to form your own opinions.The real question is what in the hell of it made this foolio think that adding an 'h' so a word would make it any less offensive? Get real.
I ask that you leave your thoughts, comments, etc positive or negative below but, let me share mine first. The 'N word is not now, nor will it ever be 'ok' to say. Be it a classroom, a school yard, a hallway, a grocery, church, hell or else where there is simply too much hurt and morever history attached to the word for anyone to simply turn the other cheek--other rather the other ear. I do not care what color you are or what hood you are from, it is unacceptable.
Rachel Maddow tackles, according to an increasing Republican population, an "important terrorist and national security concern." Take a look at what they're working on now.
Now this lil mama damn near puts Beyonce to shame. Ironically enough I have to 'recreate' the Single Ladies dance for a Henna/Bridal shower this weekend. fun
"Love don't cost a thing, Ms.A."-- actually Jake your mother lied; ask your father. Of course that's what I, though tempted, resisted telling the innocent brunette in my class. But, it did take me back to that fateful day in my 6th grade career that I first heard, "There's no such thing as a stupid question" comment. Now, of course, I know better, there are such things as stupid questions because of course there are such things as stupid people--or at least people with stupid thought processes.
So, as both an inspiration from Twitter and nod to the end of Ramadan I felt a post in which I bit*h about skillfully list some of the many phrases I hate--as though I needed a reason to complain about complaining. We all know good things come to those who whine.
A carefully crafted list of phrases I hate: In no particular order
People who say "Do you remember me?"--If you had to ask, no.
People who say"You make things harder than they need to be"-- Yes, because stressing myself out is a favorite pass time along with knitting and being constipated.
(overheard)"Why you not at the club supporting yo boo?"-- Although this phrase could be varied replacing club with office, presentation, the gym and boo with other things my answer remains consistent: Why you not minding yo own business?
People who say "You're fat"-- & you're skinny. Now catch a breeze and fly away.
People who say "Imma let you finish"-- If you were, then perhaps you shouldn't have interrupted me, you shouldv'e just let me finish.
People who see you with something (usually shiny) and exclaim "where they do that at!?"--apparently where they did that at.
People who ask you, "Did I say/do that?"-- Umm if you didn't that I probably wouldn't have started with "You said/did..."
People who say "My fault/My bad"--Duh, we knew it was your fault before you realized it and decided to announce it.
People who ask "Do you work here?" No, actually I just dress up like the rest of the people that work here in my free time. It's up there with making things harder for myself, and stealing baby penguins.
"License and registration please."
And the phrase which absolutely erks me the most is:
"Take a walk in my shoes."
Actually, I like my own shoes. How 'bout I just watch you walk in yours.
While holding Ms.Jo's sleeping baby boy I realized, the world is a circle in more than one way. While he is the welcomed beginning to their family, he was the end to her over indulged Starbucks-inspired sleep patterns.In fact, one might say that life is one huge PMS trip, with ups and downs, cramps, bloating and riddled with cycles.
These are cycles; they end forming new beginnings and new opportunities. Sometimes goodbye is the opportunity we need to say hello to the actual potential within ourselves. The tricky part is finding that delicate balance and maintaining it without literally going overboard. Sitting next to Zahra at 2am when she whispers, "I don't have the patience," forced me to realize that in this life of cycles it's in the end where I begin. With each setting sun and closing light there are surely doors opening and suns rising. It's the dedication and will power we must seek out within ourselves that will fuel us towards greatness. And as for patience it's bitter but, it's fruits are sweet.
Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #11
Finally the world is recognizing the importance of women in society. Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.
Take note of The Girl Effect. Support. Sponsor. Inspire. .............................................................................................................................
If you see a black man riding south on a bike, take the bike. It's probably yours.
If you see a black man riding north on a bike, take the black man. He's probably yours.
--This is the joke one of my inappropriate and slightly offensive neighbors told.But, in all seriousness though did any one else hear about the government law being passed in which the United States as a country apologizes for slavery? The issue is once the bill is passed, alot of people are going to be expecting a mule and 40 acres.
I'm nannying for my neighbors' kids (4 ,7)for the next week.We went to the store where the youngest looked at a woman exclaiming, "You're ugly!" I pulled him aside explaining that it wasn't nice to say such things...outloud. The boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!"
His parents reduced my pay by 1.25$ an hour, for 'encouraging their children to lie, in public'
-FML
............................................................................................................................. More Proof My Friends Have Zero Life
He mostly speaks in Urdu. But, says "I love you" & "asalamualaikum" (@ 1:15). Anyone recognize what he says at (1:35) ? .............................................................................................................................
When I was younger I aspired to work at Krogers and bag groceries. My mother was disappointed. Then my sister was born and revealed she wanted 'to be famous', like the people on Jerry Springer! God bless, younger siblings. ............................................................................................................................. Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life
Annoyed husband at Restaurant: I like you better when you drink. Equally Pissed Wife: I like you better when I drink too.
Man in Suit:Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you.
Officer: Immediately! Intern: Like now, immediately? ---You're getting warmer ............................................................................................................................. Why do people talk about ‘girlie’ things but never ‘boyie’ things? ............................................................................................................................. Why Are You Allowed In Public?
This new section is dedicated to all of the geniuses I encounter daily. Like the teachers on an elementary school playground.
Art teacher, looking at another eating Pringles: Pringles are the perfect chip, based on the texture, shape, and lines. They fit perfectly in your mouth. History teacher: I don't know. If you asked me, I'd just prefer a Lay.
Because, clearly this couldn't be misinterpreted, or considered inappropriate conversation. .............................................................................................................................
Driving to class, I saw a biker signaling left. Another car rolled by and tried giving him a high five instead. The man fell over. I'm still laughing. .............................................................................................................................
Can you describe your life with a six word sentence? Here's mine: I dare to be me,everyday. Or perhaps it's: I'm inspired by a thinking heart. PC's are for the cool kids?.... .............................................................................................................................
Word of the Week
Chronoptimist Function: (adj)
A person who always under estimates the time necessary to do something or get somewhere.
"Hey, Sarah. You know my parents are expecting us in 20 minutes." "No problem. I just have to wash the dishes, take a shower, do my hair, walk the dog, trim the bushes, and then I'm all good to go. See you in 15!"
*This word was (again) inspired by the bestie, Zahra who is a chronic optimist. ............................................................................................................................. ATTN everyone on Twitter:
The question asked of you is: What are you doing? No mandate to share random thoughts exists. Please take note.
Also: Follow me :) ............................................................................................................................. 23,040 minutes.384 hours. 15 days until the 46th Annual ISNA Convention in D.C.
I'll be heading out at about 5 am with Zahra and Co. 7+ hours in a car can make you do some crazy things but, as long as I get my McDonalads Breakfast w/hot Cocoa and The Script CD I'm a happy camper.
Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?
For those of you who are oblivious to my attending the number 6 party school in the United States behold my friend Amber.
Amber (S): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it Me: We call that spaghetti Os
The sad part is she was completely serious, and not high. .............................................................................................................................
When talking on the phone why do people say "oh well, I'm gonna let you go." I mean technically, if you go, I go. And, I didn't know that I was applying for your attention but, this is obviously a minor detail.
People usually say things like this actually meaning, I want to get off the phone now because I hate talking to you, but I'll pretend that I'm being polite by letting you go back to whatever boring crap you would be doing if you weren't talking to me. And the worse part of it is that I'm a total I'll let you go-er.
What's your bad phone habit? .............................................................................................................................
Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist
According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. The vibrator-induced orgasms helped doctors dissipate hysteria's anxiety-related symptoms.
There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult.
Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states.
............................................................................................................................ When airplanes land why do the people suddenly feel the need to start clapping? .............................................................................................................................
Anyone click on some of the links in my new nav bar? Try checking out the Perplxin-ictionary. It's a combination of words, phrases, and fun time facts, like a dictionary, that helps you navigate and understand the blog! .............................................................................................................................
Here about the newest craze? A PC game that allows players to gang rape virtual women – and then force them to have an abortion – has been banned from Amazon. It's a virtual rape videogame. Honestly, I wish I just made that up but, unfortunately it exists. ............................................................................................................................. If dawn breaks, does dusk come together? .............................................................................................................................
I'm off for a weekend excursion. The location is near the upper midwest of the USA. It was at one point considered a busied music town and the car stealing capitol. There will be dancing and too many people for the area we'll be in. Anyone know where I'm going?
For More Funtime Fragments Don't Forget to Check Out: Half Past Kissin' Time
Since the Bronchitis post I've come to realize how very often we take things like urinating and breathing without opening our mouths for granted. Friday night I burst into tears then, I stopped breathing. Yes, actually stopped breathing. No worries it's not nearly as exciting or traumatic as it sounds. Or perhaps this is because I passed out and don't remember.
My mother picked me up from my condo drove two hours home where she ushered me inside her house all too eager to cram random drugs down my throat. Let us recall that my throat was closing up, placing something--anything-- down my tube would only cause me to pass out....again. But, alas this is my mother and drugs, ducktape, and lemon juice could heal the world. Luckily however she stopped at the drugs. I was rushed to Urgent Care where I was more properly diagnosed. You readers are unaware that despite my diagnosis I didn't get it from a Doctor. No, no, no going to the Doctor when you feel ill would have been all too realistic, I WebMD --cause I'm a baller. But, I'm also a baller with 4 infections. *sad face* Yes, 4-- throat, lung, double ear, and sinus. The good news though is that I was right! I do have bronchitis...just in addition to the other 4 infections I didn't anticipate or the 101 fever. But other than that stuff I was right. The doctor gave me 5 prescription meds which means I'm about as doped up as Whitney.
As a result I lay around on the couch and think of various things Blogworthy. Here are a list of things I think about:
If I had to choose between using the effort I have to blog or pee which would I do?
If a man is a jerk and he's afraid of commitment is he jerk chicken?
What ever happened to Dustin Diamond?
I think the answer to number 1 is obvious
Who thought of the order that numbers go in? I mean doesn't six sound smaller than five. Listen to it...Fi--IVE-uh
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
McDonalds should start selling babies. It would lower the fertility rates, increase adoptions, and answer the age old question "where DO babies come from?"
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
In closing I leave you with this, my doctor prescribed steroids because apparently they heal the world. Then he added "so your throat won't be the only thing swelling and tender to touch." But, I feel like doctors shouldn't have to prescribe cup sizes, just drugs. I've Also been thinking about the Swine Flu an awful lot. Could I have the Swine Flu--my symptoms match perfectly. But, I've never had swine except once at Chuckie E Cheese's when I was 6. How was I supposed to know that pork wasn't exclusive to Pepperoni? The Muslim with Swine Flu--you heard it first!
Ever read a post on Perplxintexan's and been all 'say wha now?' or perhaps even tried to Google it and to no avail? Well here's your answer ladies and gents, the Perplxintexan-ictionary, a land of fun phrases, terms, words, and even sounds. Enter, read, and be offended at your own risk.
For a list of the label meanings look below.
Perplxintexan
Perplxintexan (N, Verb)
the name which she chooses. It encompasses both her enigmatically quirky personality with her Texas heritage. It neglects facts like race, religion, and other war starters but, that's because this blog isn't about that. It's about her. Her life as an elementary teacher, Islamic Marriage and family counselor, and sarcastically inspired single life. People
3mu Ahmed- The generically created character of Arabic decent, used to represent all male, Muslim, characters within Perplxintexans' life and happenings. He's often no more than 5'7" tall, speaks with an accent, posses and unnecessary frustration with the Jewish culture, and has a minimum of 5 kids.
Him- The blog nick name chosen to encompass the (currently) ex-best friend of Perplxintexan. He's amazing in ways words can't describe, bashful, honest, and afraid of encountering his true potential in this life. But, our arguments have become broken forms of poetry at best and so for now we're done and if it's meant to be it will.
PTS#1- Shorthand for the 1st born sibling to PerplxinTexan i.e. my brother. He however has sense moved on to his own segment, exposing his fleeting class and offensive thought process.
Zahra - The fun-time, not so together, hijabi side kick, to the perplxintexan. She takes part in 78% of all PT-related adventures, originally hailing from Algiers, Algeria as a proud single Muslim at the only Catholic University in the state. Other talents include hula-hooping in dark places and making Hummus.
Places- Under Construction
Phrases Under Construction
Blogbiting- (V) Term coined in hopes of convincing myself it's not a sin but, a confessionary release, which so happens to exploit others ignorance, should my parents, siblings, co-workers, or future hubs ever find this blog. Labels:
* Acting My Age Not My Shoe Size- The tales in which I discover the meaning of maturity * Breakdowns Via Blogging Are Cheaper Than Therapy- A self-explanatory label * Color Me By Numbers-The tales of Wordless Wednesdays and Color By Numbers * Conversations W/Muslims - A work in-progress in which I attempt to make Muslims a little less scary * Dreams- The exposure of my unnecessary fascination with all things Disney and make believe. Some are actual dreams which involve sleeping and beds, others simply involve sleeping while awake. * Enlightened Event-Tales of getting lost, in hopes of finding myself. * F My Life- Often used as the acronym, FML, F My Life was made popular by the teen movie Superbad, in which a character exclaims,"F*** My Life!" It is a semi-humorous ending to a tale which involves ironic twist of misfortunes, anger, or strong emotion. * Friday Fragments- * Gender Relations- * Good Things Come To Those Who Whine- * Got Media; Got Perspective?- * Hindsight Is 20/20- * Holidays/Family Time Agitate Me- * I Think With My Mouth Open- * If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put a Ring On It- The (mis)adventures in finding the Husband (to be determined) or at least a willing participant * In Which I Fancy Myself A Writer- * Islam Ensued - * Labels Are For Clothes - * Life Lesson- * MAS/VFC - * MSA - Acronym standing for Muslim Student Association, these are the tales of life as active member of the MSA at the number 6 party school in the nation, oh the irony. * My Drama IS My Mama- * My Last Name Causes National Security Alerts- * Oh brother where art thou filter?- * Promising TMIs and Confessionary Tales- * She Wanted Me To Curse Her Out- * Spring Awakening- * That's What He Said- * The Answers Were In Me- * The Next Person Who Talks is Going to the Office- * This Is Going To Decrease Your Intelligence- * Twilight- * Updates- * Weight Endeavors- * What If Nobody Ever Questioned Anything-
From lesson plans to wedding bands this 2o-something yr. old, she-muslim blogger always begs to differ. The only problem is that between her life as a Kinney-garden (KG) teacher and career as a marriage counselor she tends to skip the small print. Did she forget to mention she's also a full-time student and fitness nutritionist? So she eats her daily vitamins and colors outside the lines to keep her grounded.
Life has taught her she's never the same person two days in a row and will forever enjoy decent conversation, good food, and better books. I'm worth more than I am worthless, so go ahead and read my TMI confessionary tales of time outs,tantrums, and pre-nups.
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