4.27.2009

The Lord Giveth & The Lord Taketh Away, Breasts Are Optional

Since the Bronchitis post I've come to realize how very often we take things like urinating and breathing without opening our mouths for granted. Friday night I burst into tears then, I stopped breathing. Yes, actually stopped breathing. No worries it's not nearly as exciting or traumatic as it sounds. Or perhaps this is because I passed out and don't remember.

My mother picked me up from my condo drove two hours home where she ushered me inside her house all too eager to cram random drugs down my throat. Let us recall that my throat was closing up, placing something--anything-- down my tube would only cause me to pass out....again. But, alas this is my mother and drugs, ducktape, and lemon juice could heal the world. Luckily however she stopped at the drugs. I was rushed to Urgent Care where I was more properly diagnosed. You readers are unaware that despite my diagnosis I didn't get it from a Doctor. No, no, no going to the Doctor when you feel ill would have been all too realistic, I WebMD --cause I'm a baller. But, I'm also a baller with 4 infections. *sad face* Yes, 4-- throat, lung, double ear, and sinus. The good news though is that I was right! I do have bronchitis...just in addition to the other 4 infections I didn't anticipate or the 101 fever. But other than that stuff I was right. The doctor gave me 5 prescription meds which means I'm about as doped up as Whitney.

As a result I lay around on the couch and think of various things Blogworthy. Here are a list of things I think about:

  1. If I had to choose between using the effort I have to blog or pee which would I do?
  2. If a man is a jerk and he's afraid of commitment is he jerk chicken?
  3. What ever happened to Dustin Diamond?
  4. I think the answer to number 1 is obvious
  5. Who thought of the order that numbers go in? I mean doesn't six sound smaller than five. Listen to it...Fi--IVE-uh
  6. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
  7. Do they bury people with their braces on?
  8. If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
  9. McDonalds should start selling babies. It would lower the fertility rates, increase adoptions, and answer the age old question "where DO babies come from?"
  10. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


In closing I leave you with this, my doctor prescribed steroids because apparently they heal the world. Then he added "so your throat won't be the only thing swelling and tender to touch." But, I feel like doctors shouldn't have to prescribe cup sizes, just drugs. I've Also been thinking about the Swine Flu an awful lot. Could I have the Swine Flu--my symptoms match perfectly. But, I've never had swine except once at Chuckie E Cheese's when I was 6. How was I supposed to know that pork wasn't exclusive to Pepperoni? The Muslim with Swine Flu--you heard it first!

16 comments:

z-dizzle said...

So thats why you had more drugs than me...I love that you already knew what you had before ur mom took u to the doctor, and where is she getting all of these drugs from?! I wouldn't buy a baby from mcdonalds thats weird, i would sell my sister to them ;)

Lisa said...

I love all of your random thoughts. I'm sure they do bury people with braces, it would be too much effort to get those suckers off. And the gums would probably look black and blue from ripping them out of there.

Wasn't Dustin Diamond on the verge of being bankrupt? Laughing.

I hope you feel better soon dear. And that it's not swine flu :) Love you.

ModestJustice said...

The doctor's comment took me a while to figure out, should I be confused or disturbed?

I hope the drugs do something besides get you to imagine there's unicorns everywhere :)

Imnotbenny said...

I've heard that pepperonis lie in wait in the body until they get the secret signal from the council of evil swines to attack.

It's totally swine flu, dude.

Only ate swine once and look what happens. That is just damned ironic.

The Demigoddess said...

On number one, I have found so many brilliant writers dying of kidney/renal failure because they put off having to pee and just keep on writing.

I hope you feel better.

Anonymous said...

pee.pee.pee.

*~Ange~* said...

lol @ whitney joke. she is THE crackhead

controlled chaos said...

Yo, you're high.
And you wanna be tagged personally for the game? Then I tag YOU!
Go on now
get to it!

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

@ Z- yes, lol--I don't wth you get yours from but usually you get drugs PRESCRIBED. And since when does Mc Donalds BUY things? Let's think BEFORE we comment.

@ Lisa- That's a GREAT point. Last time I saw DD he was addicted to food and loosing his mind on celebrity fat camp.

@ModestJustice- Thanks for stopping by! You should think twice about your breasts and then be glad you're not on steroids.

@ImnotBenny- And does this specifically happen only with pepperonis or does Sausage count at well?

@Demi- bless you for being so concerned with my bladder, lol.

Lisa said...

Perplxin,

I'm following you, but I don't know if you meant, you want me to follow you to your second blog?? :)

Confused like the idiot I am :) Love you sweetie.

Lisa said...

I meant to say I'm following the public blog here, are you referring to the private one, or another unknown?

z-dizzle said...

well if McD can sell babies they should take some too lol all of my drugs ARE prescribed

Mona said...

You are hilarious!

Moannie said...

It always amazes me how bloggers can be so funny when they feel like, er, um, awful.

When I get a fever my thoughts are hideous, hallucinogenic.

Feel much better soon.

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

@ Ano- since the post I'm glad to report my bladder has been cleansed.

@Ange- Makes you wish there was a crack olympics, no?

@CC- Let us read the post (this one) where I disclose being on 5 prescribed meds. Do you really want me typing thoughts? :)

@Lisa- Glad you figured it out. That other blog is for random design ideas and things I think are 'important' that aren't at all.

@Lisa (again)- haha, love you too!

@Z- Penalty for commenting.

P.S. Fmylife; I'll text you later

@Mona- Thanks, takes one to know one ;)

@Moannie- It's the drugs, and they say thank you.

Hassan said...

drugs? I'm in.

Gimmie some.