Frustrated Friday #4-- Nigga(h) Please, Because Adding an 'h' Makes All The Difference

Working as a diversity advocate/CommUNITY Educator at a Big 10 university I hear and see a lot; but, when a co-worker, during our wed. night staff meeting, brought this story (below) to my attention I laughed hard. In fact, I was tickled pink. Perhaps it was my co-workers vibrant retelling which shielded the extent to this (below) teacher's genuine ignorance but, the laughter has now turned to anger and disappointment. The video is below for each of you to form your own opinions.The real question is what in the hell of it made this foolio think that adding an 'h' so a word would make it any less offensive? Get real.




I ask that you leave your thoughts, comments, etc positive or negative below but, let me share mine first. The 'N word is not now, nor will it ever be 'ok' to say. Be it a classroom, a school yard, a hallway, a grocery, church, hell or else where there is simply too much hurt and morever history attached to the word for anyone to simply turn the other cheek--other rather the other ear. I do not care what color you are or what hood you are from, it is unacceptable.

Friday Fragments//Jum'uah Jottings # 12- I Won't Run, If It Looks Like Love..

Boom! Crackle,pop, went the soaring fireworks into the midnight sky and clinch went the fist of the 9 yr. old. "Isn't it amazing?," she asks. This is the first time she's seen fireworks and, so of course, it's amazing. It's always enlightening and amazing when we discover something new. Just imagine if we always discovered something new, or if that something we discovered was ourselves.

Think of all the packed powder and dusty bursts of inspiration, potential, we each have hidden within us. Think of what we could accomplish if just one us dared to be who we are,completely, all the time. I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #12

Let us review the part of the summer where I head to the airport to pick up my siblings --who are actually arriving 2 weeks later-- because they've decided to stop off in Granda and San Antonia while I'm stuck in Summer school.

Then, let us review how my mother failed to realize June and July aren't actually the same month. Then let us recall how while standing there I heard "PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata." Now let us laugh. I'm sure they're holding it next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's cheese wheel.
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I went to get a new ID because, my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. Did I mention that after the 8 hrs it took to find all of that out, my mom texted? She just "hoped my bad day wouldn't get worse" because on a brighter note she found my wallet this morning. It's on her bed.

FMYLIFE

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Is it wrong to tell people with AIDS to stay positive?

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More Proof My Friends Have Zero Life

So we ate dinner and watched a two and a half hour film about legos on steroids and a whored up Megan Fox err...Transformers. During dinner we met the very fortunate looking waiter Hunter. Even after the 3hrs that is Transformers, Jessie had one thing on her mind. Insert this conversation.

Jessie: Okay I'm thinking he doesn't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
Me: ok you need to stop NOW
Jessie: But, 29 just might be it. You think he changed his hair color? Or even his eye color?


--Why stop there Jess, he might have changed his ethnicity too!
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A boy in my class insist he loves me, for I am just like his 'mummy'. At show and tell the last day of school he rose to announce she was a Lesbian-American. Great I thought now the children think I'm a lesbo--not that being lesbian is bad, but, I am not one. I was somewhat depressed after this occurrence but, pulled it together. At least she was a pretty Lesbian, I thought. Luckily I volunteered at the school the summer to which I met his mother. Turns out she's Lebanese-American!

Phew. *dancing ensues*
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life

White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?

Genius with bad word choice to a younger sibling: I've been on Twitter way before it was cool. So, basically, what I'm saying is, I've been gayer longer than you have.

My lovely neighbor Geoff:What kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but I'm not gonna call you ever again'?

Inappropriate friend outside the Masjid: God always gives the religious girls good bodies. Look at your boobs PT. You could drown in them! DROWN!
Me: Do you think we should change the subject?
Inappropriate friend outside of masjid: To what Layla's butt. I mean that's reason enough to make me pray AND fast.

--- umm does this mean you will change the subject?
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Years later, in the history books, kids won't understand why OxyClean products needed shouting, unless they just weren't very effective. None the less I was tempted to buy everything Billy Mays screamed sold.
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A pretty big goal of mine in life is to work for PointinCase.com Either that or meet the girl who's a goof looking for her ball.
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Word of the Week

Brain Bleach
Use:Verb

What one might use to erase a particularly nasty image or memory.

Man, I just saw Olga in skin-tight canary-yellow stretch pants. I need to score me about five gallons of brain bleach!

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ATTN everyone on Twitter:

The question asked of you is: What are you doing? No mandate to share random thoughts exists. Please take note.

Also: Follow me :)
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All the kids on my mothers' side of the family, including my grandmother start with a "D".All the kids in my family, including my father, have a first name begingging with a "K". I want to continue this tradition. What letter should I pick for my own Rugrats?

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Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?

This is beyond slightly inappropriate but, one of my friends just broke up with his g/f after learning that she was already dating someone else. Also, that someone else may or may not have been his sister. Minor details.

I told him to get even...I know real mature. 10 minutes later she texted to let me know that he tagged himself as her crotch in all of their facebook pictures. Now that's what I call family time!
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For anyone else who has been in Walmart lately school supply shopping,grocery shopping, pet shopping or even shop lifting and saw this (pictured right) then you may have done like I and stood angered that you couldn't figure out what the toadballs LYLAS means. None to fear bing helped, it me

ans Love Ya Like a Sister/Sibling. Now we can all go back to shopping and stealing as we were.
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When airplanes land why do the people suddenly feel the need to start clapping?
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To all those who guessed. YES! I was supposed to be in Detroit last weekend for the annual Arab-American festival but, I didn't go for obvious or maybe not so obvious reasons. Thanks for pleasing me.
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And now good people the time has come for me to pack up and ride off into the sunset for D.C. Yes, I'm actually going this time. Actually, I'm already there. As I posted this early, so technically this is my future self. *cue twilight music* Seriously though if you'll be in D.C. or at the ISNA 46th annual convention this year look for me. (Yes, I realize how terribly ignorant that request just was but, my future self has confidence that at least one person will find me!)


For More Funtime Fragments Don't Forget to Check Out: Half Past Kissin' Time

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings # 11- It's The End Where I Begin

While holding Ms.Jo's sleeping baby boy I realized, the world is a circle in more than one way. While he is the welcomed beginning to their family, he was the end to her over indulged Starbucks-inspired sleep patterns.In fact, one might say that life is one huge PMS trip, with ups and downs, cramps, bloating and riddled with cycles.

These are cycles; they end forming new beginnings and new opportunities. Sometimes goodbye is the opportunity we need to say hello to the actual potential within ourselves. The tricky part is finding that delicate balance and maintaining it without literally going overboard. Sitting next to Zahra at 2am when she whispers, "I don't have the patience," forced me to realize that in this life of cycles it's in the end where I begin. With each setting sun and closing light there are surely doors opening and suns rising. It's the dedication and will power we must seek out within ourselves that will fuel us towards greatness. And as for patience it's bitter but, it's fruits are sweet.

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #11

Finally the world is recognizing the importance of women in society. Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and
well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.


Take note of The Girl Effect. Support. Sponsor. Inspire.
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If you see a black man riding south on a bike, take the bike. It's probably yours.

If you see a black man riding north on a bike, take the black man. He's probably yours.

--This is the joke one of my inappropriate and slightly offensive neighbors told.But, in all seriousness though did any one else hear about the government law being passed in which the United States as a country apologizes for slavery? The issue is once the bill is passed, alot of people are going to be expecting a mule and 40 acres.

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I'm nannying for my neighbors' kids (4 ,7)for the next week.We went to the store where the youngest looked at a woman exclaiming, "You're ugly!" I pulled him aside explaining that it wasn't nice to say such things...outloud. The boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!"

His parents reduced my pay by 1.25$ an hour, for 'encouraging their children to lie, in public'

-FML

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More Proof My Friends Have Zero Life



He mostly speaks in Urdu.
But, says "I love you" & "asalamualaikum" (@ 1:15).
Anyone recognize what he says at (1:35) ?
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When I was younger I aspired to work at Krogers and bag groceries. My mother was disappointed. Then my sister was born and revealed she wanted 'to be famous', like the people on Jerry Springer! God bless, younger siblings.
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life

Annoyed husband at Restaurant: I like you better when you drink.
Equally Pissed Wife: I like you better when I drink too.

Man in Suit:Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you.

Officer: Immediately!
Intern: Like now, immediately? ---You're getting warmer
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Why do people talk about ‘girlie’ things but never ‘boyie’ things?
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Why Are You Allowed In Public?

This new section is dedicated to all of the geniuses I encounter daily. Like the teachers on an elementary school playground.

Art teacher, looking at another eating Pringles: Pringles are the perfect chip, based on the texture, shape, and lines. They fit perfectly in your mouth.
History teacher: I don't know. If you asked me, I'd just prefer a Lay.

Because, clearly this couldn't be misinterpreted, or considered inappropriate conversation.
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Driving to class, I saw a biker signaling left. Another car rolled by and tried giving him a high five instead. The man fell over. I'm still laughing.
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Can you describe your life with a six word sentence?
Here's mine: I dare to be me,everyday.
Or perhaps it's: I'm inspired by a thinking heart.
PC's are for the cool kids?....
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Word of the Week

Chronoptimist
Function: (adj)

A person who always under estimates the time necessary to do something or get somewhere.

"Hey, Sarah. You know my parents are expecting us in 20 minutes."
"No problem. I just have to wash the dishes, take a shower, do my hair, walk the dog, trim the bushes, and then I'm all good to go. See you in 15!"


*This word was (again) inspired by the bestie, Zahra who is a chronic optimist.
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ATTN everyone on Twitter:

The question asked of you is: What are you doing? No mandate to share random thoughts exists. Please take note.

Also: Follow me :)
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23,040 minutes.384 hours.
15 days until the 46th Annual ISNA Convention in D.C.

I'll be heading out at about 5 am with Zahra and Co.
7+ hours in a car can make you do some crazy things but, as long as I get my McDonalads Breakfast w/hot Cocoa and The Script CD I'm a happy camper.

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Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?

For those of you who are oblivious to my attending the number 6 party school in the United States behold my friend Amber.

Amber (S): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
Me: We call that spaghetti Os

The sad part is she was completely serious, and not high.
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When talking on the phone why do people say "oh well, I'm gonna let you go." I mean technically, if you go, I go. And, I didn't know that I was applying for your attention but, this is obviously a minor detail.

People usually say things like this actually meaning, I want to get off the phone now because I hate talking to you, but I'll pretend that I'm being polite by letting you go back to whatever boring crap you would be doing if you weren't talking to me. And the worse part of it is that I'm a total I'll let you go-er.

What's your bad phone habit? .............................................................................................................................

Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1. According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. The vibrator-induced orgasms helped doctors dissipate hysteria's anxiety-related symptoms.
2. There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult.
3. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states.

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When airplanes land why do the people suddenly feel the need to start clapping?
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Anyone click on some of the links in my new nav bar? Try checking out the Perplxin-ictionary. It's a combination of words, phrases, and fun time facts, like a dictionary, that helps you navigate and understand the blog!
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Here about the newest craze? A PC game that allows players to gang rape virtual women – and then force them to have an abortion – has been banned from Amazon. It's a virtual rape videogame. Honestly, I wish I just made that up but, unfortunately it exists.
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If dawn breaks, does dusk come together?
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I'm off for a weekend excursion. The location is near the upper midwest of the USA. It was at one point considered a busied music town and the car stealing capitol. There will be dancing and too many people for the area we'll be in. Anyone know where I'm going?



For More Funtime Fragments Don't Forget to Check Out: Half Past Kissin' Time

Friday Fragments//Jumu'ah Jottings # 7-- & Now I'm Stuck Swimming In Your Thoughts, or Perhaps Drowning in My Own

The good news is I don't have strep, the bad news is it's Bronchitis. Which actually sucks way more than strep because it impacts my actually breathing and last for twice the amount of time as strep. The good news, again, however is that because I can barely breathe I don't do alot of eating which resulted in a 8lb weight loss over the past week. Remember the whole rant on how Lent was resulting in my weight gain, will now I have the results I was searching for. But, are they in the method I hoped, most certainly not. So this week's lesson is about being careful about what you wish for. How often it is we sigh saying "I wish that was me" or "I wish things were different" But, do we really? Dreams however are golden, they aren't like wishes. They are subconscious guides, the thing is they talk but, how often are we listening?Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes.


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #7

I attended my alma-matters (high school) fundraiser dinner last weekend--that's probably how I got broncho. Anyways, my semi-cousins were there.

The youngest one had a birthday, and I spent all day searching for the 'perfect gift'.I finally bought the toy the two year old always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag.

GRrr!

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How does everyone like the new layout? A banner would help huh? Perhaps, once the laziness subsides. Any suggestions other than a banner?
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life:

Fat preppy girl: Oh my god! Is that a rhinoceros? I didn't know they still existed!
Friend: Yeah, that's one right there.
Preppy girl: But I thought dinosaurs were extinct?

Female customer: Do you guys have the Wizard of Oz?
Salesperson: Uh, I think that would be in "foreign."-- Yes because Oz also existed.

Extremely loud PTA 'Parent': Okay, let me check on that for you. That is "c" as in "Sam"?--yeaaaah.
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I finally get to use an fml on behalf of my sister. Today, we went shopping at Macy's for swimsuits with my mom. She told my mom that she hated all the suits there, and that she wanted to get them at Dick's Sporting Goods instead. My mother then said, in a loud voice, "STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH DICKS!" Half the store stared at her.

FHERLIFE

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Did You Know?!

• Did you know that on July 8th 2009 at 5 minutes and 6 seconds after 4am it will be 040506070809 and that this will NEVER happen again for 100 years?
• A shrimp's heart is in its head.
• Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

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My brother called me today to ask, "If you came with instructions, what would they say?" I considered:Caution contents may be hot but, then I decided on warning objects are closer than they appear. Take that as you please.
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Word of the Week

'Opposite Marriage'

The P.C. way to specify the legal union of a man and a woman, as made popular by Miss California at the 2009 Miss USA pageant.

MISS CALIFORNIA: "We live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage"

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My father wants me to visit him this summer. I would except he agitates me. I love him dearly, I just don't exactly like him.

I will further consult myself and possibly blog about it later.
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Many of you must be accustomed to a dishwasher but a better part of the world still hand washes the dishes. They either towel dries them or puts them up in racks for air drying. No doubt air-drying is a better method and to max this is the Trio Dish Drier. What’s special about this one, is that it’s got these cute little containers at the bottom of the rack that houses herbs. Essentially, the residual water from the washed dishes trickles down to the plants to water them. Nice!

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Not gonna lie I was semi-depressed that no one commented on my last post. So I stopped posting as a punishment to you non-commenters. Of course it was about this time that I realized the post had been saved as a draft for two days and then I had accidentally disabled comments. :|

Forgive me readers? I'll give you candy :)
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(Forgot to post this Easter pic)

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Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the
Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.
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I fail at being an elementary school teacher.

A 5 year old boy asked me "What do you do when you really want something?". I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it.

(whoops, my bad)

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

(coming soon, i.e. post sleep.)

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Friday Fragments// Jum'uah Jottings #6 - She's Always Buzzing Like Neon, Who Knows How Long She Can Go Before She Burns Out?

Doubt. Doubt's a word I've struggled with for a long time. "Raised" by two attorneys I quickly learned that in order to believe with certainty, one must begin with doubting. My problem however isn't doubting, my problem it forgetting not to blame. First I doubt my ability and then I blame myself for incapacity's. A man is not honest simply because he hasn't had the opportunity to steal, so am I really a better person today than I was yesterday simply because, it's no longer yesterday?

No. I want to change and am eager to grow but, I must keep in mind the power of limitations and boundaries. Change requires both now and then. Everything has it's maximum and much like my step-monsters credit limit, I'm about to max out. So before I hit that mark let us adapt my mothers wisdom "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." I know my limits, what are yours?


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #5

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow.

- FMyLife

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Anyone else heard of the Walk of Shame kit? First, let me explain that here (at the #6 party school) the walk of shame or walk a female takes after a one-night stand is quite popular. In fact, best friends and future in-laws are made it's so common, which is also quite sad. Anyways, some genius/creeper designed an entire kit to aid when the walk away from his place. When asked why he did it he said, "I'm just tired of chicks waking up and taking my shirts cause they lost theirs." --Now that ladies and gents is a true blue citizen. Get him an award!



Included:Dress - Flip flops - Backpack - Sunglasses - Pre-Pasted toothbrush-Wipes - Call/Don’t Call leave behind note card - Awareness bracelet
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life:

Girl on cell: Do you think it’s suspicious that I just bought five bottles of cranberry juice? People drink cranberry juice without vodka all the time…right?-- uh yeah in AA they do

Male coworker: My lips are still recovering from Vegas. --Glad I skipped Cabo

Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say "there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!" (laughs)
Girl: That would be so cool.

(Do we really wanna waste a bag of crack though?)

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This week in Science class I was teaching the Rugrats about conscious Vs. unconsciousness decisions the body makes.

I told them that your brain can have a conscious override over breathing. However, it is hard to stop breathing intentionally. Then a student in the back yelled "Oh, ya! That's why it's so hard to drown people!"

uh, what the ...what!?
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Lent's almost over and I finally get to eat Oreos. But, will I want them?

More than anything I just don't want to get invited to the Griffin's for the Egg-citing Egg-travaganza. The Griffins are our prude neighbors that are always elaborating on how I need to get married, and be a housewhore..err wife.

Do you know people who think they're above everyone else and have awful children?! I want to encage her middle son. I swear she must have dropped him as a baby. Any suggestions?

[Actual photo]

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The class took a field trip to the zoo this week. Question: Why did a parent offer to chaperon and drive with a license and vehicle that weren't his? Also, since when did the zoo become such a scandalous trip?

The sad part is I'm not even the one who realized what it resembles.He was 9.

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Word of the Week

FriendTM
function- Noun/Verb

When a friend low on cash (the paper kind) pays the group's bill on their debit card in order to get the cash from their friends--therefore avoiding both the ATM surcharge and the inconvenience of finding one.

Hey guys, can I FriendTM this? I don't have any cash.

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Remember when the 'ex-bestie' was discussing the value of v-day and relationships? Yeah, I found a gift he gave me almost 2 years ago for valentines day. I never opened it. I was too afraid I would love it. My mom says it's not the gift I'm afraid of loving. The gift and my heart remain unopened.



P.S. I think we should give 'him' a nickname. Any suggestions?
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For those of you who are fan's of my eldest brothers' increasing ignorance. Get aload of his AIM status. "K***** is Barack in '08. Broke in'09."
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The ex-fiance used to call me Bay. I hate pet names that make no sense. I tried explaining that a bay was a portion of water. He replied "Don't worry you're filled with liquid too"-- Word to the wise, if your potential partner gives you a crappy nickname/pet name it's not meant to be.

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Anyone else know about the wonders of K-Pop (Korean pop)? I didn't. I'm not hip with the kiddies these days. Apparently, behaving as though you from a culture that isn't yours/dancing/ singing in a different cultures' language is the new thing.

I had to let lil Susy know, I'm well aware of what a Cha Cha is--considering I'm HISPANIC- same for belly dancing. Then, I had to explain to Jane, in 6th grade, that she has NO clue what Super Junior is singing in their Korean song--except for the part where she was singing in English (lol).

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1.)In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

2.)85% of men who die of heart attacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.

3.)Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t.
-- uh Mrs.Cullens ;)

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Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?

"Hey PT-- if you stop by El Bistro can you grab my purse, I forgot it."

-- turns out my genuis of a friend was pissed at the waiter and so dined-and-dashed. Then she forgot her purse, with her wallet, and photo I.D.

:|

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Welp, I'm off to class, work, and home for Easter. Yes-- these will most assuredly result in lots of blogging tales. Best to everyone and have a productive/safe and blessed weekend!

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings Post # 5- I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

Despite popular myth much of reality is false. And when an angry client graced me with his cold shoulder because I wouldn't 'massage his pain' I realized I was wrong.

Now I'm not saying I should've stretched him as his actual personal trainer would have but, I could have mentally soothed his pain. Too often in my life I bandage mistakes and ignore bruised egos pulsing forward till the end. But, it was in that moment that I realized I wasn't living at all, I was functioning, coping, surviving. But, for what? Shit, you've only got one life to live...unless you're a kitty. And, I'm no pussy, and this is no fairytale. It's Friday and I'm alive, finally.


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #5

Whenever my sister (16) calls customer service reps about random complaints she usually gets her way. Then of course they turn on her and start trying to sucker her into 'NEW and IMPROVED' offers. It's beyond amusing because instead of just hanging up like normal people she begins screaming "I believe in Jesus! I believe in Jesus! (pause) Sir, my other line is ringing and it might be God. I have to go."

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Did anyone else hear about Johnny Depp converting to Islam? I say it's true and not just because I'm the one to marry him. Personally I’ve always thought that Johnny Depp and Hamza Yusuf had an uncanny resemblance. Fine, don't believe me.


Read the full story here.
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life:

Hipster teen:Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat:Welcome to the recession, buddy!

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

Hot Physics Lab Instructor: "There's a little bit of failure in everyone."-- some people deserved to be hurt.
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Did You Know?!

• The only place in the universe where a flag flies all day, never goes up or comes down, never flies half-mast and does not get saluted, is the moon.
• Halle Berry’s stunt double, in the movie “Catwoman”, is a man.
• The mother of the boy Michael Jackson is accused of abusing is named 'Janet Jackson'.

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Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well.

-FMyLife

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Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking becoming a marriage and family relationships therapist. One should never begin there mornings at 10am overhearing:


Grey-haired grandma to another: "Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking."

woah...at least I can't.

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Word of the Week

VOCD-"Volume Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder"
Function: Noun

A psycho-neurotic disorder in which the television viewer is beset with obsessions or compulsions or both to adjust the volume on the television to a "perfect" number, such as 15, 20, 25, etc. and suffers extreme anxiety or depression through failure to adjust the volume or witnessing an "imperfect" number (9, 16, 31).

Joe has VOCD bad it's worse than Christina Bales anger issues.


(thanks to my bff Zahra for having such strong OCD)
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The almost not-so-boss-boss asked me out to lunch on Saturday. It's not a date type of asking out though. I told him I couldn't because I didn't speak the language of cheesy pick up lines.


Then he said "So uhh..because I'm trying to make a deposit you just lost interest?"

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I absolutely loath tea and anyone who knows me knows I avidly collect satchels from all over the world. Like coffee, a good cup of tea is all in the brewing and steeping. Steep it too long and it tastes bitter; too short and you’re drinking muddy hot water. TeaCubes make it easy by placing the tea bag on a timed retractable spool. Hands free and a good cup of tea. What more could a tea lover ask for!


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One of the kids in my 4th grade had a birthday this week. I don't exactly conduce in class partys
but, her family's not so well off and she deserves something. So we had cupcakes and sparkling fruit juice. One of the boys slammed down the plastic cup exclaiming, "hey they bought the cheap stuff!" No kid we didn't, you're just used to the real stuff.

(for those of you who didn't understand he's been getting a bit tipsy before recess)
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(click image for larger view)

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Ron Paul has no alarm clock, but instead wakes every morning to the call of freedom.

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Remember the in class party? (above)

Yeah, we handed out cards. When James gave his card to Kylie he said, "I bought this card in the ghetto supermarket , that's why it smells like dead chicken."

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Does anyone ever stop to wonder why it's taking them so long to do a task? Sometimes it takes me about 20 mins just to put shoes on, no lie. Perhaps Youtube is decreasing my intelligence.

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1.)A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex - That explains almost every Muslim I've ever met.

2.)Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10x more effective than Valium.

3.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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D- Bag of the Week

my doctor

For those say 2 of you who care about my weight endeavors I bitched the doctor out about lent to which he said "Don't blame Jesus for your fat lil missy." Apparently obesity is one sin He won't take credit for :|

Apparently my cortisol(a stress hormone) levels are so high they could build a staircase to the moon. Doctor says even if I tried starving myself or working out for hours upon hours the fat won't budge. The ONLY way to loose the 24+ lbs is by de-stressing. Yeah, hearing that stressed me out.

Friday Fragments//Jumu'ah Jottings #4- None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds

The week has trickled off to an ending and instead of feeling my usual ecstatic self all I know is that I need more than this. Somewhere between procrastinating, crying, and episodes of House I realized I've got to be more than the change I see in the world. I've got to be the world.

So perhaps, I won't be the entire world but, I've got to be a piece larger than I am now. So double the fragments, and double the possibilities!

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #4

My brother is becoming increasingly ignorant. I think Rice was a complete waste of money. I asked him why he has yet to marry to which he answered "Oh her shipping and handling price was too high." :|

I instructed him that this was ridiculous females do NOT have shipping and handling cost. He said, "No? Because this broad said I'd have to move her here, and deal with her." He said he'd ship her but, refused to handle her.
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The Nuns from Saint Marys came to visit the class this week. I'm not sure what happened to separation of church and state but, there they were in a public school. They gave the children 'holy water.' Billy asked if the whole school was holy. Apparently the sisters were running low on supplies as we caught them filling the small bottles in the school fountain.


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Over Heard Moments @ the Elementary School:

Student # 1: So...how do blind people wipe their ass?
Student # 2: The same way everyone else does. Oh...oh my god, that's gross, Wendy. Most people don't look at it.

Hot Male Parent # 1: Have you read or seen He's Not That Into You?
Random girl, to uninterested guy: No.
Hot Male Parent # 1: Well, I highly recommend you read it!

My sister to my brother: "You shut up! I'm genetically superior" -- who says that!? lol
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Did You Know?!

• Real diamonds can be made from peanut butter.
• It is illegal to purchase or consume Jack Daniel's Whiskey in the town in which it is produced!
• Cows don't have upper teeth.

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I went to see one of my best friends Zahra over S.break. We thought it would be funny if we could both fit into my old 'obese' sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably.


We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants.

-FML

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Over S.Break I went to get my nails done. I got a pedicure because not only did I want it but, I needed it. The lil Asian man doing my nails keep exclaiming how I needed to get them done more often....I beg to differ. Nails are not a medical condition. Anyways I told him that my feet were in such a bad condition because I'm a dancer. He said, "You either come mo often or you no dancing." I told him to stop dancing wasn't an option. I think he thought if I don't dance I won't have money, which means I can't get my nails done. This is also code for him basically thinking I was stripper :|
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I bought this snazzy bracelet inspired by Twilight on Etsy.

Jealous?

[ left click and select view picture for enlargement]

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Word of the week

Recessionista - A person who is able to stick to a tight budget while still managing to dress stylishly.

see also: Octomom
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This week was about sharing, sharing with the world whatever you have to offer. Two students shared similar stories of death. I didn't know at the time they were the murders. One girl hugged her cat to death while the other placed her bunny in the family dryer. I felt bad but, laughed. It wasn't a quite laugh either.

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There’s this whole movement about bringing back nature into the concrete jungles we’ve built in the past 100 years but this is probably the most direct yet indirect way of doing it. Those painted line dividers we see everywhere serve a huge purpose but in an attempt to humanize and naturalize them, designer Ji-Hye Koo covers them with Nature On A Tape - essentially a pre-potted strip of grass that’ll grow with no effort.



It’s sculptural and 3-dimensional but who’s gonna trim it tho?
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I love when my grandma speaks to me in Spanish except when it's angry spanish. That usually ends crazy. Abuela quote of the week "In a calm sea, every man is a pilot."
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I saw this little girl outside of the post office with her mom. She was in tears. Apparently she had discovered her first love and of course he disappointed.Her mothers snapped at her "Jessie, stop pouting! Boys never actually love girls. The heart of love is fear."

I scribbled she's wrong one a post-it note and tapped it on the window. I wonder if she believed me.
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Ron Paul doesn't go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.
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This week in 4th grade we read Harriet the Spy. The children wouldn't stop calling her Whore-iette.

I don't like how the girl in the book behaves.
So I let them keep doing it.


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I gave up Oreos and Pizza for Lent, I gained 14lbs.

F my life.

I'm not even Christian

and I'm still hungry...


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Instead of having the D-bag of the week I'm introducing

Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1.)In India it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than buy a condom!

2.)There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the 1st time.

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Signing off , wishing each of you a lovely and blessed weekend.