Friday Fragments//Jum'uah Jottings # 12- I Won't Run, If It Looks Like Love..

Boom! Crackle,pop, went the soaring fireworks into the midnight sky and clinch went the fist of the 9 yr. old next to me. "Isn't it amazing she asks?" This is the first time she's seen fireworks and so of course it's amazing. It's always enlightening and amazing when we discover something new. And that's when it occurred to me that it would be amazing if what we discovered that was new, was ourselves.

Think of all the packed powder and dusty bursts of inspiration, potential we each have hidden within us. Think of what we could accomplish if just one us dared to be who we are,completely, all the time. I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #12

Let us review the part of the summer where I head to the airport to pick up my siblings --who are actually arriving 2 weeks later-- because they've decided to stop off in Granda and San Antonia while I'm stuck in Summer school. Let us review how my mother failed to realize June and July aren't actually the same month. Then let us recall how while standing there I heard "PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata." Now let us laugh. I'm sure they're holding it next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's cheese wheel.
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Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. Did I mention that after the 8 hrs it took to find all of that out, my mom texted? She just hoped my "bad day wouldn't get worse" oh and by the way, she said "I found your wallet in the kitchen, it's in the car."

FMYLIFE

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Is it wrong to tell people with AIDS to stay positive?

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More Proof My Friends Have Zero Life

Let us eat dinner and watch a two and a half hour film about legos on steroids and a whored up Megan Fox Transformers. But, during dinner let us met the very fortunate looking waiter Hunter. Then let Transformers end and allow for 3 hrs to pass by. Then insert this conversation.

Jessie: Okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
Me: ok you need to stop NOW
Jessie: But, 29 just might be it. You think he changed his hair color.

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There's a boy in my class who continues to tell me how much he loves me beacuse I remind him of his 'mummy'. At show and tell the last day of school he rose to announce she was a Lesbian-American. I was somewhat depressed after this occurance but, pulled it together. Luckily I volunteered at the school the summer to which I met his mother. Turns out she's Lebaneese-American!

Phew. *dancing ensues*
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life

White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?

Genius with bad word choice to a younger sibling: I've been on Twitter way before it was cool. So, basically, what I'm saying is, I've been gayer longer than you have.

My lovely neighbor Geoff:What kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but I'm not gonna call you ever again'?

Inapporaitate friend outside the Masjid: God always gives the religious girls good bodies. Look at your boobs PT. You could drown in them! DROWN!
Me: Do you think we should change the subject?
Inapporaitate friend outside of masjid: To what Layla's butt. I mean that's reason enough to make me pray AND fast.
--- umm does this mean you will change the subject?

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Years later, in the history books, kids won't understand why OxyClean products needed shouting, unless they just weren't very effective. None the less I was tempted to but everything Billy Mays screamed sold.
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A pretty big goal of mine in life is to work for PointinCase.com Either that or meet the girl whose a good looking for her ball.
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Word of the Week

Brain Bleach
Use:Verb

What one might use to erase a particulary nasty image or memory.

Man, I just saw Olga in skin-tight canary-yellow stretch pants. I need to score me about five gallons of brain bleach!

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ATTN everyone on Twitter:

The question asked of you is: What are you doing? No mandate to share random thoughts exists. Please take note.

Also: Follow me :)
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All the kids on my mothers' side of the family, including my grandmother start with a "D".All the kids in my family, including my father, have a first name beingging with a "K". I want to continue this tradition. What letter should I pick for my own Rugrats.

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Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?

This is beyond slightly inappropriate but, one of my friends just broke up with his g/f after learning that she was already dating someone else. Also, that someone else may or may not have been his sister. Minor details. I told him to get even...I know real mature. 10 minutes later she texted to let me know that he tagged himself on her crotch in all of their facebook pictures. Now that's what I call family time!
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For anyone else who has been in Walmart lately school supply shopping,grocery shopping, pet shopping or even shop lifting and saw this (pictured right) then you may have done like I and stood angered that you couldn't figure out what the toadballs LYLAS means. None to fear bing helped, it means Love Ya Like a Sister/Sibling. Now we can all go back to shopping and stealing as we were.
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When airplanes land why do the people suddenly feel the need to start clapping?
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To all those who guessed. YES! I was supposed to be in Detroit last weekend for the annual Arab-American festival but, I didn't go for obvious or maybe not so obvious reasons. Thanks for pleasing me.
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Useless Information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

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And now good people the time has come for me to pack up and ride off into the sunset for D.C. Yes, I'm actually going this time. Actually, I'm already there. As I posted this early, so technically this is my future self. *cue twilight music* Seriously though if you'll be in D.C. or at the ISNA 44th annual convention this year look for me. (Yes, I realize how terribly ignorant that request just was but, my future self has confidence that at least one person will find me!)


For More Funtime Fragments Don't Forget to Check Out: Half Past Kissin' Time

Conversations W/Muslims #22- I'll Survive on Little Victories

It's time for another exciting portion of reasons why old people shouldn't be allowed to touch anything...but themselves.

(better known as reasons why my mother doesn't deserve a cell/shouldn't text)


Me: Mama I can't find the 20$ I found today.

Mama: Maybe it's a sign.

Me:Like what?

Mama: I don't know I don't make signs. I just follow them.

Mama: Like stop, go, yield, traffic slow ahead.

Me: Where have you ever seen a "Go" sign?

Mama:That's just it I haven't found it yet!

Mama:I'm sure my exit is approaching soon though. L0l

Me: That's gross don't use short hand, you're over the hill.

Mama:Yeah, that's where I found the traffic is slow ahead sign. You're father had it.

(30 minutes later)

Me: I found it, never mind.

Mama: Where?!

Me: Not the sign. the money. Unless the money is the sign.

Mama:Great! If you were still bummed I was gonna suggest getting Sea herpes.

Mama: I mean Sea Horses. Sea horses.

Oh Hawt Damn! This is My Jam...

The great thing about summer is that it means quality time, not quantity time with people. Unlike quantity time, quality time is about obtaining time with individuals based on the pure sentiment of being with/around each other as opposed to obtaining individuals, or other factors. For example, I'd rather do absolutely nothing with my best friend Zahra for hours than be without her for one. Basically, if you feel like what you're about to with a person belongs on the back of a Hallmark card then you're enjoining in quality time.

I started to think about all those quality time moments when I realized almost all of these memoirs were in vehicles/while traveling and that's because almost all of my memories start with one (or more) persons screaming, "Oh this is my jam!" The problem with people like *cough* Zahra *cough* is that whether it's hip-hop, R&B, Rap, Pop, foreign tunes, like Arabic and Spanish, heavy metal, country, or instrumental, EVERY song is their jam. The other problem with riding in vehicles with such people is that they continually announce how great of a jam it really is. You might hear them using such phrases:

• This is Ole' School right here!
  
• DAY-um, this is the joint!
• Turn it up!
• Ya'll don't know nothing about this

You're quite right, I don't know nothing 'bout this, and thank gawd for that! After screaming about how fabulous the song is they're charged up and have probably started singing over the music, are standing in the car/ jumping over things to get to the volume, singing the wrong lyrics, melody, tune, and are more than likely singing the wrong song entirely. Sometimes they do such things without a radio/music at all singing along in public places like Qdoba, the grocery store, Church. It's also probably one of the most offensive or inappropriate tunes ever created (see also:Takin' Retards to The Zoo, (Crank dat)Soulja Boy , or perhaps the ever inappropriate 3oh!3's Don't Trust a ho )



Now the reason I bring this up is because since my family's abandoning me( who's in school and being responsible) for vacation in the Bahamas/ D.C. leaving temporarily, I've been semi-living with Zahra and her family to which I learned that the ONLY thing worse than a person who owns every jam in the jam-universe is a child jammer. A child jammer is a regular jammer who can't think nearly as fast a fully grown jammer yet insist on jamming none the less. So as opposed to hearing "The circle of life and it moves us all" you hear "the wrinkle of lines and it moves so toe" At least with fully grown jammers I can use violence persuasive methods to achieve silence but, with creatures under the age of 10 belting out Hoey Montana I almost feel sorry for them. I mean back in my day Disney didn't just make movies, they made classics. Now they just make trash. So this morning I may or may not have takin' out the trash and misplaced that Disney Channel Music Super Stars CD now the summer can continue as regularly scheduled.

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings # 11- It's The End Where I Begin

While holding Ms.Jo's sleeping baby boy I realized, the world is a circle in more than one way. While he is the welcomed beginning to their family, he was the end to her over indulged Starbucks-inspired sleep patterns.In fact, one might say that life is one huge PMS trip, with ups and downs, cramps, bloating and riddled with cycles.

These are cycles which end forming new beginnings and new opportunities. Sometimes goodbye is the opportunity we need to say hello to the actual potential within ourselves. The tricky part is finding that delicate balance and maintaining it without literally going overboard. Sitting next to Zahra at 2am when she whispers, "I don't have the patience," forced me to realzie that in this life of cycles it's in the end where I begin. With each setting sun and closing light there are surely doors opening and suns rising. It's the dedication and will power we must seek out within ourselves that will fuel us towards greatness. And as for patience it's a bitter but, it's fruits are sweet.

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #11

Finally the world is recognizing the importance of women in society. Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and
well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.


Take note of The Girl Effect. Support. Sponsor. Inspire.
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If you see a black man riding south on a bike, take the bike. It's probably yours.

If you see a black man riding north on a bike, take the black man. He's probably yours.

--This is the joke one of my inappropriate and slightly offensive neighbors told.But, in all seriousness though did any one else hear about the government law being passed in which the United States as a country apologizes for slavery? The issue is once the bill is passed, alot of people are going to be expecting a mule and 40 acres.

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I'm nannying for my neighbors' kids (4 ,7)for the next week.We went to the store where the youngest looked at a woman exclaiming, "You're ugly!" I pulled him aside explaining that it wasn't nice to say such things...outloud. The boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!"

His parents reduced my pay by 1.25$ an hour, for 'encouraging their children to lie, in public'

-FML

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More Proof My Friends Have Zero Life



He mostly speaks in Urdu.
But, says "I love you" & "asalamualaikum" (@ 1:15).
Anyone recognize what he says at (1:35) ?
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When I was younger I aspired to work at Krogers and bag groceries. My mother was disappointed. Then my sister was born and revealed she wanted 'to be famous', like the people on Jerry Springer! God bless, younger siblings.
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life

Annoyed husband at Restaurant: I like you better when you drink.
Equally Pissed Wife: I like you better when I drink too.

Man in Suit:Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you.

Officer: Immediately!
Intern: Like now, immediately? ---You're getting warmer
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Why do people talk about ‘girlie’ things but never ‘boyie’ things?
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Why Are You Allowed In Public?

This new section is dedicated to all of the geniuses I encounter daily. Like the teachers on an elementary school playground.

Art teacher, looking at another eating Pringles: Pringles are the perfect chip, based on the texture, shape, and lines. They fit perfectly in your mouth.
History teacher: I don't know. If you asked me, I'd just prefer a Lay.

Because, clearly this couldn't be misinterpreted, or considered inappropriate conversation.
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Driving to class, I saw a biker signaling left. Another car rolled by and tried giving him a high five instead. The man fell over. I'm still laughing.
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Can you describe your life with a six word sentence?
Here's mine: I dare to be me,everyday.
Or perhaps it's: I'm inspired by a thinking heart.
PC's are for the cool kids?....
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Word of the Week

Chronoptimist
Function: (adj)

A person who always under estimates the time necessary to do something or get somewhere.

"Hey, Sarah. You know my parents are expecting us in 20 minutes."
"No problem. I just have to wash the dishes, take a shower, do my hair, walk the dog, trim the bushes, and then I'm all good to go. See you in 15!"


*This word was (again) inspired by the bestie, Zahra who is a chronic optimist.
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ATTN everyone on Twitter:

The question asked of you is: What are you doing? No mandate to share random thoughts exists. Please take note.

Also: Follow me :)
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23,040 minutes.384 hours.
15 days until the 46th Annual ISNA Convention in D.C.

I'll be heading out at about 5 am with Zahra and Co.
7+ hours in a car can make you do some crazy things but, as long as I get my McDonalads Breakfast w/hot Cocoa and The Script CD I'm a happy camper.

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Random Text of The Week//Where Do I Find these People?

For those of you who are oblivious to my attending the number 6 party school in the United States behold my friend Amber.

Amber (S): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
Me: We call that spaghetti Os

The sad part is she was completely serious, and not high.
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When talking on the phone why do people say "oh well, I'm gonna let you go." I mean technically, if you go, I go. And, I didn't know that I was applying for you attention.

People usually say things like this actually meaning, I want to get off the phone now because I hate talking to you, but I'll pretend that I'm being polite by letting you go back to whatever boring crap you would be doing if you weren't talking to me. And the worse part of it is that I'm a total I'll let you go-er.

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1. According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. The vibrator-induced orgasms helped doctors dissipate hysteria's anxiety-related symptoms.
2. There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult.
3. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states.

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When airplanes land why do the people suddenly feel the need to start clapping?
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Anyone click on some of the links in my new nav bar? Try checking out the Perplxin-ictionary. It's a combination of words, phrases, and fun time facts, like a dictionary, that helps you navigate and understand the blog!
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Here about the newest craze? A PC game that allows players to gang rape virtual women – and then force them to have an abortion – has been banned from Amazon. It's a virtual rape videogame. Honestly, I wish I just made that up but, unfortunately it exists.
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If dawn breaks, does dusk come together?
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I'm off for a weekend excursion. The location is near the upper midwest of the USA. It was at one point considered a busied music town and the car stealing capitol. There will be dancing and too many people for the area we'll be in. Anyone know where I'm going?



For More Funtime Fragments Don't Forget to Check Out: Half Past Kissin' Time

The Best of Us Can Find Happiness in Misery...

I have this friend who works a bunch and even invested in some stocks and is now semi-wealthy. BUT...he's still in college. Now most of the people in our group are all gung ho about his recent stumble upon good fortunate. I however, am not. First of all, we're in college. Being rich in college is like finding money in baby poop and bird saliva. Yes, you've got money but you're still buried in crap. I honestly feel like one of the joys to being in school is having the satisfaction of knowing that not showering for 2 days, eating breakfast at 12:30am, and being poor is actually encouraged. In fact, being or doing the opposite of any of those makes you a freak. I mean being a millionaire in college proves what exactly?... besides the fact that you obviously don't need college to be successful OR happy OR a reason to shower. Which brings me to my next point, happiness.

What makes a person happy? Is it cars? Is it girls? Is it money? Perhaps is the satisfaction of Karma. Or perhaps it's because when I was younger my brain was fueled by the Justice League and Sesame Street. Consequently, I now secretly hope to marry the red Power Ranger and bring down the no-good doers of our society. Now half of you are probably smirking but, I'm dead serious. You know those nosey people that sit around hoping to catch someone getting arrested, stealing, or damn near stop every time they see a wreck? Yeah, that's me. Note to self: [stop watching so much Law & Order]--Still, I really like when people 'get what's coming to them'. In fact, when I was younger I was so into the whole good-versus- evil persona that I would keep count of how many 'points' each 'team' got. A sense of justice makes me happy.

But, this post is about one of my semi-best friends, Soniya. Soniya just graduated-which I honestly didn't think would ever happen. Her name isn't actually Soniya and she didn't technically graduate but, these are minor details in a mixed Palestinian home. If you walk across the stage, you've graduated, and then it's time to get married. At her graduation open house last Sunday I was blown away at her amazing backyard. Her parents went all out, Kufta, burgers, lamb, chicken, 3 types of dips, 4 types of drinks, cakes, cupcakes, hummus, assorted appetizers, and even the matching napkins/table clothes. They had volleyball, soccer, a trampoline, horse shoes, and a hammock. They really went above and beyond to show their support for their daughter. What they didn't however know is the extent to which she cheated and conned her way through school. I love the girl to death but, lately she's just been around the wrong influences. It was time for Karma to be served.

Picture this quaint and happy blossoming teen girl swinging in the wind. Now picture the bag of pot nestled deep within her pocket, tucked away from her mother. Also picture the approaching 58 yr old aunt/neighbor going to hug her, ready to gift the 'well deserved graduation money'. For whatever reason Rosemary thought it would be cute to sneak the money into Soniya's pocket, acting like it was a drug deal. And for whatever other reason the gust of wind from the swing carried her pot out of the pocket and into the yard.

Then for whatever other other reason, I laughed.