Friday Fragments// Jumu'ah Jottings # 2- Nothing Sounds As Sweet As What I Can't Have...

Last week really cleansed my palette. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't last long but, at least my bladder isn't full anymore. Last week I was urinating like a prego with quads on the way. In case you're wondering "Would you rather Wednesday" was canceled do to an epic emergency in my 4th grade this week--will blog about it later. No worries, this time the post has nothing to do with being fat or where boobs come from. :)


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #2

When I was 4 I walked in on my dad showering/bathing alot. Don't worry I'm not traumatized, I never saw anything. He used to bathe in the dark. Sometimes I'd hear him talking and began to think someone was in there. Too much Disney convinced me that he had a mermaid, stripper, g/f named Ariel. For whatever reason I thought she only appeared if all the lights were off.


One day I turned off all the lights in the bathroom but, Ariel didn't appear. I told my brother this whole story and he said "Either Ariel is black or you did it wrong." I'm going to ignore the first and obviously racial slur. Instead I ask "how the hell do you turn the lights off wrong?!"
............................................................................................................

I was walking to my car last night when I saw a large man walking behind me. I hurried to open my car, as he was approaching quickly but, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasn't even my car.

As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. - F My life.

.................................................................................................................

I waste an indescribable amount of time each day. In fact, I tend to convince myself that I'm early just to allot extra time for wasting.Of course I'm sharing some worthless yet, amusing links - so your lives will too be worthless! :)

*Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com- A way to get in touch with who you were really meant to be; don't deny it.

*http://www.fmylife.com/- My life always seems so much better when I laugh at other's misery.

*http://lmgtfy.com/- Let Me Google That For You is pretty much one of the most sarcastically unnecessary things ever created- other than me, of course.

.................................................................................................................

I've discovered how to make chocolate cake in less than 2 minutes. Of course this will result in an indescribable weight gain. But, for now it's simplicity has captured my short attention span.



The best part is the whole thing can be made in one mug & in the microwave!
You can find the entire recipe here
..........................................................................................................

Over Heard Tales from My Life

1."Who you are with your i-pod is who you are in life.."-- One of my students parent giving advice to me about my 'unacceptable and embarrassing' musical selections. Pft. Nancy Ajram, Briney Spears, Cat Stevens, Raef, & Spice Girls I don't see the issue.

2."It was so quiet you could hear a rat piss on cotton!" -- Ray J talking about God knows what but, who raised him? lol!

3."Style never goes out of fashion"-- Elizabeth (my sorority sister) commenting on why hijabis have no excuse in not matching their hijabs to their shoes.

4."I used to get penis all the time, now...not so much."-- My almost-Not so-Boss-Boss talking about his Spam inbox on Gmail. [Brilliant]

..........................................................................................................

My mother started menopause this month. I know you didn't want or need that piece of information but, neither did I. And she still shared it, now you're stuck with it too!
..........................................................................................................

The school I teach at is in the middle of bumfreak USA. I feel like I should report the parents sometimes but, I don't because then I'd have very little worth blogging.

Example Given

Father: And since I've started smoking cigars in the basement, you can smoke pot down there without your mom knowing.
Daughter: Wait, seriously?
Father: Yeah, just don't tell your brother. He already thinks you're the favorite.
..........................................................................................................

Douche Bag of the Week

Did you people hear about the genius who smoked his kitten? He claimed his cat was having a bad day and so he placed him into a bong. When asked why the man put the cat in the bong he replied with some bull about how when he has a bad day he smokes and feels better.

Umm, question how did he diagnose that the cat was depressed and where the hell is this man's family someone needs to diagnosis him.