Would You Fill Up My Empty Glass With a Shot of Innocence?.... I Haven't Had Any Sense I Fell In Love.

Reason # 234 why marrying seems less appealing: "Boys Will Be Boys"


-"stop being a boy;step-up and be a man!"

Some people call me a pessimist of love but, I'm not. I'm just a realist. I've only been alive a few decades but, those decades have forced me to realize the actuality that is, love and being loved. I'm not the most profound of lovers but, I know enough to make the boys turn pink. Somewhere in between being hit on in hijab and realizing that virgin doesn't always refer to a non-alcoholic mix I learned that boys will be boys and a few other helpfuls. Too often and too cliched is the above quote, never thought I'd hear it personally, especially coming from my mouth...

Saturday, I stopped by (my -ex/varsity) high-school girls volleyball game. They lost. They deserved it. Maybe it's just me but, I feel like if you're wearing hijab you shouldn't be pulling up your jersey to tie it in the back. This isn't a J.Lo video and the ref isn't Ricky Martin; put some clothes on. Even without the religious aspect two girls showed up in jeans. Jeans?! Seriously, what kinda damage are you planning on spiking down in a pair of low rise jeans?Some of these girls aren't aware of their worth to the opposite gender but, trust you me dollface, jeans have ruined many relationships. I've broken a few hearts and maybe fewer spirits in some jeans, and I'm damn proud of it. The difference is I knew what I was doing.

One of the girls 16, in her low-rise hipsters, told me her 'tentative fiance'- whatever that means-- was supposed to surprise her. He didn't, but his best friend did. I could tell you about the drama that ensued over him (the best friend) whistling from the bleachers every time she went for a dig; I could describe the way her jeans hugged her hips and winked with her every sway;I could tell you that her fiance missed more than a game, he missed a whole peep show. But, I won't. Instead, I'll explain how she not only got the fiance's best friends' attention but, a few of the opposing teams' brothers,boyfriends, and even fathers. Oh yes fathers, in fact, one of them yelled "Don't matter if she looses, as long as she gets low I'm winning." Then he reached over to hi-5 his son with a huge grin. The wife, and mother simply turned the other cheek and my poor hip-swinging, baby shamefully exited stage left with clouds of tears filling her eyes.

As I headed over to console I darted a lasting glare of judgment at the father-son, douche bag-duo. I looked after them and whispered, "Is this what kind of man you want to be?" The bleachers fell silent, no one dared move. I took the first step and shifted towards the locker room to hold my unassuming bit of innocence. She cried until her heart stopped pounding and whimpered into my breast "sorry, I didn't know.... I didn't mean to..." I asked her what she thought would happen with her dressing so scandalously. She said all too honest, "I thought he would be here & I thought he would love me."

"Is it better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all?" She was so consumed with pleasing him that she lost herself in search of him. Men never actually mature; they grow older but, do they ever grow up? Boys will be boys; but I'm not a girl. I need a man, I want to feel safe and secure in his passionate embrace. I want to be turned on by mind and become moistened by his thoughts. I left the game and texted another him.

Me: I can't do this anymore, every time we talk it's either a one-word response or none at all.
Him: WTF!
Me: Yeah, I'm done. I can't stand not knowing where I stand.
Him: Ok, lol.
Me: I just guess I thought this time around especially with you it would be different.
Him:I'm not ready for any relationship.
Me:And I'm not looking for one...
Him:Than what do you want from me?
Me:Nothing.

And with that I deleted yet another soul from my passionate book of contacts. It's not that I don't love him, it's not that he doesn't not love me. But, he's been here longer than me. He's supposed to be stronger than me and yet, merely texting him leaves me weak. Somethings not right and for once I know I'm not what's wrong. Makes you think, 'what would the world be like if Eve was the forbidden fruit?'