What Came First The Chicken Nugget Or The Egg McMuffin?

"I'm No Nugget!"

On Tuesday February 3, 2009 I received the following email from one of my students parents.

"Dr. Ms. A,

While I appreciate your diverse methods in teaching I don't like the thought that my son continues to grab at my breast.....either of them..."

I'm sure by now each of you is wondering either A) How did you respond OR B) What the Hell brought her to write such a letter. Really though this entire mini-scandal isn't my fault. Let's rewind shall we?

So, it's about 4th period and each of the kids files in from lunch. Of course lunchboxes and backpacks are being slung right and left and chatter is at it's peak. As a teacher you learn to zone in on particular sounds, gestures, or movements. In my case it was the lack of a certain sound that hinted at a problem. I didn't hear singing.Kylie, the bronze eyed California transfer student wasn't singing her song of the week (Doo Wah Diddy). She always sings this on the way back from lunch. Always. I all too dramatically scanned the classroom to find her, man it would suck if I lost a kid. But, I didn't. She was sitting at her desk looking disgusted and frustrated at whatever was in her hand. I got closer when I heard Cody whisper at her 'it's ok, you're just a chick'.

Now, I could have taken this discussion many ways. First I examined the obvious clues.

Clue #1:According to Cody him and Kylie are 'dating'. Kylie wasn't singing, which could mean that Cody like most men shamelessly broke her heart and stopped her song forever...well at least till recess.

Clue #2:Kylie was clinching onto her lunch of chicken nuggets for dear life.

Clue #3: I'm far too impatient and imaginative to figure out what really happened so I asked Brad. Brad told me that Cody and Kylie were still together. Then he said that Kylie was upset because she didn't have breast. Cody pointed out that even chicken have breast and that since Kylie couldn't find her breast that she was just a chick.

It was about this time that I was kicking myself in the head for ever being a teacher. I took this opportunity to start the creative journal entry of the day "Where do Chicken Nuggets come from?" The thing is the class didn't want to write they wanted to talk. In fact talking wouldn't have been so bad either but, Cody wanted to touch.

Long story short, the class came to the conclusion that girls and boys are different. I pointed out that because of this difference boys and girls have different parts. Different parts mean different conditions. I explained "you can't handle girl parts the way you handle boys parts." I referred the kids back to classroom rule # 5 "Keep hands, feet, and objects to yourself" stating that it might hurt someone else if you handle their parts without their permission. Then Brad asked "What if you have their permission?" I looked down and muttered "damn." I took this time to gather my thoughts and calculate my next move but, during my break the kids start discussing things amongst themselves. That was problem #1. And before we could get to problem # 2 I raced over to the creativity corner and threw two tubes of playdoh at Shelbie and Cody.

Ms.A:"Both of you remove the playdoh from the container. Come to the front of the class and face opposite each other. Then I want for both of you to make chicken nuggets."

Cody and Shelbie's chicken nuggets were similar in shape but, not size. Cody's were huge and Shelbies' were were not. Then I instructed both them to make breast. Codys were lope sided and shelbie made three. Then Scott yells from the back "those aren't breast! My mom touches breast all the time and they don't look like that!" Scott was obviously referring to chicken breast while Cody and Shelbie took literal approaches. But, this is exactly what I wanted. "Both Shelbie and Cody are correct,"I explained to the class. They both made breast, just in different ways.They felt the same but, that they weren't. I continued by saying that people are like breast we are all humans but, none of us are exactly the same. Everyone is different and should be handled as such. Shelbie blurts out, "so Ms. Lawrence has breast, I have nuggets, and you have jugs?"...

Then Scott mutters, "uh-oh" and boy was he right. I informed the class that we needed to wacth our language, you don't have to touch something in order to feel it. Thankfully the majority relaeased an "OH..." in return. So the mystery of chicken nuggets, jugs, and breast was solved. I was tired of outwitting my class and in closing informed them to write a one page paper on 'the importance of accepting differences' for homework. Cody didn't violate Kylie, Kylie sang her song, finished her lunch, and smiled. I put the playdoh back in the cubbys and

Cody asked so how are boys and girls different Ms.A?
I smirked and replied, "Cooties, Cody, cooties."