3.06.2009

Friday Fragments// Jumu'ah Jottings # 2- Nothing Sounds As Sweet As What I Can't Have...


Last week really cleansed my palette. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't last long but, at least my bladder isn't full anymore. Last week I was urinating like a prego with quads on the way. In case you're wondering "Would you rather Wednesday" was canceled do to an epic emergency in my 4th grade this week--will blog about it later. No worries, this time the post has nothing to do with being fat or where boobs come from. :)


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #2

When I was 4 I walked in on my dad showering/bathing alot. Don't worry I'm not traumatized, I never saw anything. He used to bathe in the dark. Sometimes I'd hear him talking and began to think someone was in there. Too much Disney convinced me that he had a mermaid, stripper, g/f named Ariel. For whatever reason I thought she only appeared if all the lights were off.


One day I turned off all the lights in the bathroom but, Ariel didn't appear. I told my brother this whole story and he said "Either Ariel is black or you did it wrong." I'm going to ignore the first and obviously racial slur. Instead I ask "how the hell do you turn the lights off wrong?!"
............................................................................................................

I was walking to my car last night when I saw a large man walking behind me. I hurried to open my car, as he was approaching quickly but, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasn't even my car.

As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. - F My life.

.................................................................................................................

I waste an indescribable amount of time each day. In fact, I tend to convince myself that I'm early just to allot extra time for wasting.Of course I'm sharing some worthless yet, amusing links - so your lives will too be worthless! :)

*Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com- A way to get in touch with who you were really meant to be; don't deny it.

*http://www.fmylife.com/- My life always seems so much better when I laugh at other's misery.

*http://lmgtfy.com/- Let Me Google That For You is pretty much one of the most sarcastically unnecessary things ever created- other than me, of course.

.................................................................................................................

I've discovered how to make chocolate cake in less than 2 minutes. Of course this will result in an indescribable weight gain. But, for now it's simplicity has captured my short attention span.



The best part is the whole thing can be made in one mug & in the microwave!
You can find the entire recipe here
..........................................................................................................


Over Heard Tales from My Life

1."Who you are with your i-pod is who you are in life.."-- One of my students parent giving advice to me about my 'unacceptable and embarrassing' musical selections. Pft. Nancy Ajram, Briney Spears, Cat Stevens, Raef, & Spice Girls I don't see the issue.

2."It was so quiet you could hear a rat piss on cotton!" -- Ray J talking about God knows what but, who raised him? lol!

3."Style never goes out of fashion"-- Elizabeth (my sorority sister) commenting on why hijabis have no excuse in not matching their hijabs to their shoes.

4."I used to get penis all the time, now...not so much."-- My almost-Not so-Boss-Boss talking about his Spam inbox on Gmail. [Brilliant]

..........................................................................................................

My mother started menopause this month. I know you didn't want or need that piece of information but, neither did I. And she still shared it, now you're stuck with it too!
..........................................................................................................

The school I teach at is in the middle of bumfreak USA. I feel like I should report the parents sometimes but, I don't because then I'd have very little worth blogging.

Example Given

Father: And since I've started smoking cigars in the basement, you can smoke pot down there without your mom knowing.
Daughter: Wait, seriously?
Father: Yeah, just don't tell your brother. He already thinks you're the favorite.
..........................................................................................................

Douche Bag of the Week

Did you people hear about the genius who smoked his kitten? He claimed his cat was having a bad day and so he placed him into a bong. When asked why the man put the cat in the bong he replied with some bull about how when he has a bad day he smokes and feels better.

Umm, question how did he diagnose that the cat was depressed and where the hell is this man's family someone needs to diagnosis him.




PerplxintexanOwns!

15 comments:

Lisa said...

Thanks for another hearty laugh dear. The White people website cracked me up-I'm now forced to visit it and I appreciate you for alerting me to it! That cat in a bong was so repulsive-what kind of animals do we have living in this country?

So I was really relieved that I'm not the only one who walked in on dad. I also never saw anything-thank God he was a shower taker, but heck you have to go in and brush your teeth sometimes!

Loved this post, and I sympathize with you at the wrong car. Done it many, many times. There's not even that many silver MPV vans either in Austin. Love you!

Anonymous said...

bwhahahaha- I wish you had your own show

FarmerGiles said...

Tehe you are very funny, and a very good writer may I add. I agree with the above comment, you really should have your own show :)

Mina said...

Lol your too funny sis...

The guy following you lol at least you didnt have pepper spray and blind him:P
I think i woulda panicked and attacked him or something:/

Constructive Attitude said...

hahahaha. I loveeeee your overheard tales snippets. they are hilarious.

and tmi about your dad AND mom. lol

and fml is everyones newest bff at the present time. seriously everyone's addicted.

Constructive Attitude said...

p.s. how come u took off bella's lullaby =/

controlled chaos said...

I think your friend Elizabeth would be VERY ANNOYED with me if she ever met me.

Truly she would.

And i think your fml was the best yet.
HAHA

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

Lisa- I'm realized that you're realized, people can't make this garbage up. P.S. I love you forever for knowing what Bluebell is. I'm dead serious. lol

Anon- I actually have been told that before but, I know it's only so that people can laugh at my ignorance.

FarmerG- again, with the TV show eh? And what channel would you suggest it being on?

Mina- I actually did, the thing is I just have terribly delayed reflexes. :)

Ca- My life is composed of inappropriate TMI moments. Care to join me?

CAx2- It just didn't fit the mood, in about April I'll have a new lay (iA) and perhaps it shall return.

CC- I'm sure you match just fine. P.S.- Want to be my new best friend. Ca's got nothing on us.

HOPELESSBELIEVER said...

Hey ......Differ!
Thank you for coming by my blog, I hope to see you stop by again soon.
I have decided to follow your blog, I like your humor, as I too, have a sarcastic sense of humor,lol.
You aren't truly afraid of animals right?? Although, I understand being afraid of the men ones!!! :) They tend to bite pretty hard at times!!!
I usually post more than once a week, this last week was just really busy. I'm planning on an art post this weekend as soon as I finish it. I hope you will check it out. I love drawing and painting, I've never had lessons or any formal training, but it is a great release, and something I truly enjoy for myself.
Hope you are having a great weekend!! :) take care,
Julian :)

Umm Omar said...

Quite an interesting blog you have here!
Ugh, now I'm going to have to try that chocolate cake in a mug thing. You're right, that is dangerous...

Yaya said...

Good fragments!

Hubby and I laughed and laughed about the cat bong story...although I feel bad for the kitty :(

"I waste an indescribable amount of time each day." -That was my favorite sentence!!!!


Loved finding out about your mom's menopause! Hahaha!

Sonia said...

Grrr...I always knew I should've patented the chocolate cake in a mug thing :) I can imagine how rich I would be today, LOL!!! (Take that Betty Crocker)

Oh well, so glad you've enjoyed it. The cigar thing cracked me up, lol...lol...lol...

dh stands for darling husband. I know its cheesy, but oh well, its easier than spelling out the whole thing. I'm prone to typos, you can't typo dh right? LOL!

MARWA said...

hahahha. How do you come up with this junk?

I <3 your mom forever.

American Muslima Writer said...

AAAAAAHHHAHAHAHA I loooved the car story!!!!!!!! I woulda been so freaking embarrassed lol he prolly thought you were jacking his car.


I don't dare learn the choc mug thing or i will gain 100 lbs...

I have so never herd that phrase rat pissing on cotton. But it will forever be in my head, thanks. I needed that.

By the way the header you made is cool but there a few things I can't deal with lol. I do like it but I don't LOVE it know what I mean. If you dont want to change anything I understand and I'll put it at the bottom of my blog. But if you wanna try again I don't mind. I prefer iconic symolism and though i love the ink paintings it was too busy and really dark. I'm trying to lighten up things a bit on AMW. My motto is simple yet Elegant. Thats how I want my blogs to look.
I like the name at the bottom that part is cool. So it's up to you if you wanna try again or not.... since you got so much time to waste and all LoL. XOXOX brandy

essenceoftimeandearth said...

lol...poor kitty..lol