4.02.2009

Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings Post # 5- I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

Despite popular myth much of reality is false. And when an angry client graced me with his cold shoulder because I wouldn't 'massage his pain' I realized I was wrong.

Now I'm not saying I should've stretched him as his actual personal trainer would have but, I could have mentally soothed his pain. Too often in my life I bandage mistakes and ignore bruised egos pulsing forward till the end. But, it was in that moment that I realized I wasn't living at all, I was functioning, coping, surviving. But, for what? Shit, you've only got one life to live...unless you're a kitty. And, I'm no pussy, and this is no fairytale. It's Friday and I'm alive, finally.


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #5

Whenever my sister (16) calls customer service reps about random complaints she usually gets her way. Then of course they turn on her and start trying to sucker her into 'NEW and IMPROVED' offers. It's beyond amusing because instead of just hanging up like normal people she begins screaming "I believe in Jesus! I believe in Jesus! (pause) Sir, my other line is ringing and it might be God. I have to go."

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Did anyone else hear about Johnny Depp converting to Islam? I say it's true and not just because I'm the one to marry him. Personally I’ve always thought that Johnny Depp and Hamza Yusuf had an uncanny resemblance. Fine, don't believe me.


Read the full story here.
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life:

Hipster teen:Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat:Welcome to the recession, buddy!

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

Hot Physics Lab Instructor: "There's a little bit of failure in everyone."-- some people deserved to be hurt.
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Did You Know?!

  • The only place in the universe where a flag flies all day, never goes up or comes down, never flies half-mast and does not get saluted, is the moon.
  • Halle Berry’s stunt double, in the movie “Catwoman”, is a man.
  • The mother of the boy Michael Jackson is accused of abusing is named 'Janet Jackson'.
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Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well.

-FMyLife

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Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking becoming a marriage and family relationships therapist. One should never begin there mornings at 10am overhearing:


Grey-haired grandma to another: "Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking."

woah...at least I can't.

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Word of the Week


VOCD-"Volume Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder"
Function: Noun

A psycho-neurotic disorder in which the television viewer is beset with obsessions or compulsions or both to adjust the volume on the television to a "perfect" number, such as 15, 20, 25, etc. and suffers extreme anxiety or depression through failure to adjust the volume or witnessing an "imperfect" number (9, 16, 31).

Joe has VOCD bad it's worse than Christina Bales anger issues.


(thanks to my bff Zahra for having such strong OCD)

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The almost not-so-boss-boss asked me out to lunch on Saturday. It's not a date type of asking out though. I told him I couldn't because I didn't speak the language of cheesy pick up lines.


Then he said "So uhh..because I'm trying to make a deposit you just lost interest?"

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I absolutely loath tea and anyone who knows me knows I avidly collect satchels from all over the world. Like coffee, a good cup of tea is all in the brewing and steeping. Steep it too long and it tastes bitter; too short and you’re drinking muddy hot water. TeaCubes make it easy by placing the tea bag on a timed retractable spool. Hands free and a good cup of tea. What more could a tea lover ask for!


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One of the kids in my 4th grade had a birthday this week. I don't exactly conduce in class partys
but, her family's not so well off and she deserves something. So we had cupcakes and sparkling fruit juice. One of the boys slammed down the plastic cup exclaiming, "hey they bought the cheap stuff!" No kid we didn't, you're just used to the real stuff.

(for those of you who didn't understand he's been getting a bit tipsy before recess)
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(click image for larger view)
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Remember the in class party? (above)

Yeah, we handed out cards. When James gave his card to Kylie he said, "I bought this card in the ghetto supermarket , that's why it smells like dead chicken."

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Does anyone ever stop to wonder why it's taking them so long to do a task? Sometimes it takes me about 20 mins just to put shoes on, no lie. Perhaps Youtube is decreasing my intelligence.

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1.)A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex - That explains almost every Muslim I've ever met.

2.)Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10x more effective than Valium.

3.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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D- Bag of the Week

my doctor

For those say 2 of you who care about my weight endeavors I bitched the doctor out about lent to which he said "Don't blame Jesus for your fat lil missy." Apparently obesity is one sin He won't take credit for :|

Apparently my cortisol(a stress hormone) levels are so high they could build a staircase to the moon. Doctor says even if I tried starving myself or working out for hours upon hours the fat won't budge. The ONLY way to loose the 24+ lbs is by de-stressing. Yeah, hearing that stressed me out.

27 comments:

blueviolet said...

I particularly love the conversation between the bum and the college kid! That's good stuff! :)

Smoochiefrog said...

Well now you know where the 7 yr. old got it from.

Mina said...

Lol the stuff that happens in your life is hilarous i love it:P

z-dizzle said...

I'm sorry Dr. Paul i wasn't in class all week because my cortisol levels are too high! lmao Zahra sounds awesome i love VOCD :)

Constructive Attitude said...

Omg he DOES look a lot like hamza yusuf. freakkkyyy.

and i think the line that the almost not so boss boss used after the rejection was funny.lol. cut him some slack for crying out loud.

MarjnHomer said...

lol i love ur jumuah jottings. i laugh thruout the whole thing. the best one was the men's beard grows faster when they anticipate sex. i heard of that too in a well read book. too funny

Mrs4444 said...

Holy cow, Woman! Thank God you joined up today so that you had a place to unload all of these fragments! My Favorite Fragment is the one about the woman who left her husband to become a lesbian--too funny!! And that woman and her rotten kid who spews profanity? CRAZY.

Mrs4444 said...

two more things.

1) I love that you wear mismatched socks.

2) All of these fragments and not a bit of linky love?? :( Give a girl a little sugar, will ya? :)

Anonymous said...

Brilliant fragments, as usual. I wonder what happens if one time you don't post these.

Lisa said...

The lesbian thing was hilarious. I am feeling kind of nasty for just thinking about all that licking, Yikes!

Had no idea about Fred Flinstone, what great insight you have dear.

I also loved the de-stressing to lose weight bit. Inshallah you can do it Perplxin. I bet your tiny anyhow~

Love you!

PS-Still trying to think of something sexy to write about.

PPS-I completely thought I was following your blog all this time, am so apologetic for the oversight inshallah! I love widget bu when it comes to followers, it's been acting funny since they added that new thing.

Love you!

DocElectron said...

I am particularly partial to your sister's response to customer service people... I choked on my coffee reading that - thanks.

americanising desi said...

no wonder you keep off everything else.
i remember you by the unique blogger id you keep and now when you dropped in after so many months, my heart jumped :D
do i sound dramatic?
lol
well honestly it is hilarious, your life and happenings. NO OFFENCE!

Anonymous said...

Your music makes me not want to come here.

ever.

Artistic Logic said...

u totally ruined those brownies for me
yea i know this comment is unrelated to your post, and that's cause im punishing you for ruining those brownies for me...

but i do think its important to say, i would love if johnny dep became a revert...that's hot.

Impulsive Addict said...

Wow! You are quite entertaining! My scale laughs at me every Friday. It's very sad.

Paris said...

Wow...you def have a life full of crazy and amazing things/convos! :)

Cheryl said...

I am eternally amused by hobos. Some of them would make damn good comedians.

Falling Up said...

1. LOL at the Bum!

2. The resemblance to Hamza Yusuf is pretty crazy.

3. You make me laugh. Out loud. Congrats. :)

4. I take breaks in between changing my clothes. First my shirt. Then I lie down and take a break. Then my pants. Another break. Then I jsut kinda of look around my room and work on the hijab. Life should be easier.

5. Tea drinkers have less cortisol and are less stressed. I know you hate it, but it's worth a shot :)

Hassan said...

Cute FF's PT. Is it just me or did you quote Taylor Swift?

Casey McGill said...

haha what are kids coming to these days?

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

@Blueviolet- I loved it too. I just about died of laughter.

@smoochie- She get it from her mama (ever heard that song?)

@Mina- Hope you did your JJ's too! I'll be visiting soon.

@Z-dizzle- You're officially an idiot. And I'm 97% sure everyone can figure out that Z-dizzle and zahra are the same person.

@CA- WHAT?! You should hear the ridiculousness he says to me. I love him though, he has the purest of intentions...I hope.

@MJHomer- What well read book is that? We learned it in class. It's kinda annoying that I pay to learn about sex--and yet aren't having any.

z-dizzle said...

PTexan how could you compare me to zahra?! i don't know this person....:/

z-dizzle said...

oh and i love you :) and ur blog

Anonymous said...

your blogger is skwed

American Muslima Writer said...

The picture os ssssooooooo funny and perfect for ur sis screaming that!!!! AHAHAHAAA I worked phones for a while and man if anyone told me this I'd wet myself laughing...

Ok I read the Depp thing last week and it was freaky weird that everyone this week has been mentioning Depp to me and I've had Pirates on the brain constantly AND then you go and do this to me?

I did click the link. And I read the whole darn article, why?> because I was born April 1st and found it fascinating :p but then i came back here and I sobbed...
"Why PT!" I anguishedly cried "How could you use Depp in your scheme! *shake fist at ceiling* WHHHHYYYYYYYY!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!"

yeah i know that wasn't a word :p

That girl and her mom are sooo wack. THIS is why the world is going to the ....

Yeah last week i didn't see the LOATH part and was like wow she must really love tea.... erm and now that I've found it I'm just a mite confused... LMAO

Beards and sex eh? Man that is so amazing that I really think it will be stuck in my head for a long time..... why do you have to keep craming this useful and weird stuff into my head weekly EH!!!

Go eat some chocolate to destress!
:D

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

@ Mrs4444- Haha I know my FF are always the most provoking. Yaya's are all too insightful and yours create a greater feeling of self worth. Who'd a thought fragments would make a difference?

@4444- I know, I know. This is the first time, I've forgotten. Forgive me? :(

@ Ano-Thanks a bunch. If you'd like you can use a name and URL to keep in contact for more FF's! :)

@ Lisa- Stop creating excuses for your sexiness. You've got Febreeze and Bebe dresses :) Love you bunches and love when you stop by

@DocEl- Thanks for the award , not sure if I ever let you know how much I appreciated it. Also, my sister is mildly as ignorant as my brother. She'll be being featured more often, trust me.

@AmericanisingD- I know, I try and frequent the blogs but my own life is so far clustered it's hard but, know that I love your space and comment when I stop by :)

Marwa said...

Go to bed my love, you'll feel better tomorrow.