2.11.2009

I Know It's Past Visiting Hours But, Can I Please Give Him These Flowers?

"Is he just another page?"

Relationships are like words.
They are never actually defined. And with him**, I like that. I like that we are never the same pair of people on any given day. You'll never find a picture of us in a dictionary. Thesaurus's aren't worthy either. We're both synonyms, and antonyms. Nouns are jealous and verbs take pointers. Relationships are like words.

I tried explaining that Valentines day was a complete sham. It's a reminder to all the single loners that they aren't worthy of a relationship and a confirmation for everyone else that their relationships suck. I tried explaining to him that the kid's in my class made the ugliest cards for each other and that they adored them. I tried explaining that it was much too hard for me to admit I'm a closet romantic. I tried explaining how much I valued him in our non-existent-relationship-word-like definition.But, before I got to that part he said, "To you we aren't in the dictionary. Because to you, the words us and me have no meaning."Then, he hung up.

I'm the Grinch of Valentines day. First I made all the kids in my class make valentines for people they didn't want to. They made cards for classmates they haven't spoken 5 words towards the entire semester. Some of them even cried. But I, I just smiled, thinking today I was starting a movement. I thought I was teaching them what love really is. I thought that they knew love couldn't be defined. But, he's right it's not them, it's me that can't define it.

I can't define love because, I destroyed the meaning.

I'm coming to find that I'm not very good at relationships. And by relationships I mean any--friendships, courtships, leaderships (refer to my teaching abilities). Basically my -ships are shits. And for as much work as I put into the people in my life the outcome is failing.

I'm a teacher who's failing.
I'm a relationship therapist who's single.
It's raining and I still have braces.


He was my best friend and truth be told I'm sorry I didn't fight for us. It sucks that we never talk.Until he called today to see if I was alright**(2) I thought he forgot who I was. I figured I wasn't worthy enough for his memory. It was a long departure ending our decade of friendship, that still isn't complete. I just want to know how long of a journey this is and where the next rest stop is, because waiting to see if he'll text back is like holding your pee. I've been holding now for 7 hrs. Wonder how much longer I can hold?

Relationships are like words.But, what is the word that defines him, you, and I?



**1=Him ,**2= anniversary to the death of a mutual friend

8 comments:

Constructive Attitude said...

maybe instead of looking for the next rest stop, u shud just make one of ur own.

maybe this is the time u both need to reflect and think and ponder.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's not that you don't find meaning in the relationship maybe you just don't define the relationship the same way he does.

Yaya said...

(((Hugs)))





We don't celebrate Valentine's Day either.

controlled chaos said...

For some reason, more often then not I'm usually at a loss of words when it comes to commenting on your posts. So usually I read and then quietly go away but I really like reading your blog so obviously I come back.
For example right now, I have no idea whatsoever what to tell you. So I decided to tell you exactly that. Oh and I'm not a fan of valentine's day but I don't hate it either. I don't think that has much to do with your post.
Ah sorry
bye

p.s. CA's name is not farah or whatever the other name you suggested. But I loved your guesses. :)

Cheryl said...

If it's any consolation, I throw popcorn at people on Valentine's Day because I hate the occasion so much. Heart you x

PS, this is totally inappropriate, but please do the bag post. This is totally better than tagging you because I'm asking you personally ;)

Marwa E said...

This wouldn't hurt so much to read if I didn't know both of you. Remember that there are two sides to every story and that you have yours but, did you ask him his?

Mmm said...

This is such an excellent post on relationships andwords. Love it. What a quandary you are in!

Anonymous said...

Ever consider writing Kareem Salama or John Mayer a love letter? You just might get your own song.