Give Me Something To Believe In Beacuse I Don't Belive In You Anymore...

Confession of The Month:

I think I've fallen. Oh yes, it was soft, sweet and so gentle I barely saw it coming. In fact, I didn't see it coming. The worst part of it all is that neither did he. Or perhaps he did and part of him wanted me to be left trapped falling in his loving gravity. And as often as I claim I fall I would be proud to fall for such a dimpled brunette. Yes, he's prefect. He'll fit in great with the family, especially considering he's already part of it.
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So there you have it I, Ms.PerplxinTexan, on March 19th of the year 2009 fell for her cousin. I know, I know 'how could you!?'. But, I instead ask how couldn't I? He's such a smart ass, and yes plays the guitar.But, before we get into all the blaming and gasping let us backtrack to the beginning. It's the night before we leave for D.C. and when I head to pick mom up from work; she dances right into the car barely whispering 'so we aren't going'. Now I'm sure at least half of you are thinking 'well damn that sucks, I mean you only rearranged you're entire life to go on a trip with your mother you didn't ever actually want to go on.' But, it doesn't suck. This is to be expected. This is what my mother does. I wouldn't be surprised if she had never actually booked any plane tickets.

In the same 'oh I kinda effed up your spring break' breathe she sighed out 'so they're coming here!' How mother is this exciting? You know I hate being seen in public with these things you produced known as my siblings and now you've gone and stepped it up by introducing cousins to the mix. What ever happened to breaks where I get to sleep all day? Can't I go back to being worthless? Of course she replied with, "Why of course not, you've got to clean the house and make tea". FYI- I'm allergic to tea. Ok, maybe I'm not but, I refuse to drink it and become all domesticated and refined.The night before the whole gang arrived for 'quality times of amusement' my mother announces (again in passing) to pack our bags we're visiting their house. Uh, WHAT!? We couldn't' go to their house, so they came to our house just for us to pack about 150 miles BACK to their house?!Fmylife.

Apparently the wretched economy doesn't impact everyone and my Uncle invested in another house. This house happens to be in a small neighborhood in Ohio which had an extensive amount of furniture missing. I asked where it went to which my aunt answered 'oh, darling you expect too much'. But, is it really expecting too much for you guys to have furniture?!

Out of the 3 bathrooms 1 is full stocked, out of the 5 bedrooms 2.5 are actually furnished, and in some parts of the house there isn't even electricity. The 6'0 ft creature of crisp golden honey skin comes down the stairs to instruct me to 'stop looking for furniture, the thieves aren't coming back'. This is my family's way of joking. Apparently they only bought this house because it has a pool. Everything else is a facade. Yes, even the people.

They made us go camping in the backyard because apparently it's cute. I left once I found out the 6 yr. old twins weren't potty-trained or wearing protection. The eldest cousin, 23, said I could stay in his room.-- mind you now this room was literally a room. He brought in a stack of Uno cards, Oreos, and John Mayer Cds. He said he couldn't swing the new Twilight DVD but, to 'have fun'. I asked him to stay awhile and 'just be.' He asked why I was forever so mysteriously enticing. I thought it weird my cousin just semi-hit on me but, let it slide for the sake of the Uno.The next 2 nights we spent basically memorizing each other.

I learned things I shouldn't have like the family's Farsi trends. My Aunt and uncle always speak in Farsi when they don't want us to know something. He's been listening in since 5, he knows everything. I told him about how I considered pricing myself on Ebay just to see how much I'd go for. He challenged me to a dance to the lamest of ignorant Miley Cyrus songs (Hoedown Throwdown), he showed me a picture that a girl sent him one time in hopes that it would catch his eye and he'd propose. She had a grill, and it was purple and lit up. I nearly died laughing.

I told him I blog, he said so does he. We sat quietly wondering if we've ever bumped into each other in cyberspace. Suddenly he grabbed my arm and said to follow him. His 'room' had a small crawl space-like attic with a piano, couch, and guitar. I knew better than to let him play so I instead offered. I played about a minute of Adele's First Love. I played until the 'I'm the only one in love' line when he nudged me aside and played Matt Nathanson's "Come on Get Higher". I stopped breathing when he sang "Just hold me down hard and drown me in love." As though he could hear everyone of my thoughts he stopped. He didn't dare look at me for I was the forbidden fruit.

Or so I thought.

Our mothers walked in like a gang of cackling hyenas. "Aren't you two cute!?" his mother gushed at me. Whatever. I crawled out of the confined space before I needed some serious CPR. His mother spoke in a Farsi-Arabic blend towards my mother. From what I understood, I got 'lucky they'll never work out'. Was this her way of saying I would make an unfit match for her son!? Well excuse the hell outta me for NOT having a neon-glow-in-the-dark grill. I spoke no more than 12 words until the next afternoon when we headed home.

That's when it happened.

He drove with me to pick up some on the road snacks from CVS. He let me rant about how selfish my mother was, how she was going to destroy me via cupcakes and hadiths. He laughed, I tried not to smile but, failed. The way home however, we resisted talking at all. Then he asked if he 'apologized would it matter?'. I had no clue what this was supposed to mean and in a sudden fit of oral diarrhea blurted out the 'lucky they'll never work out' comment and told him I don't have time for games. We would never be anything but, two people existing. Immediately ashamed I lowered my head and looked out the window. We arrived in silence, my family left for home soon after. We never said good bye.

About an hour outside of my suburban haven my mother asked what I said this time. I told her about what my aunt and the whole shabang. She laughed. She kept laughing. Then she explained that 'sometimes you don't have to say everything'. What my aunt whispered in Farsi was for my protection. It means "Lucky they aren't actually matches." In English that roughly translates to "lucky they aren't actual cousins."