Pissed Off Post #23...."Stop Celebrating Your Ignorance

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." -Malcom X

Last night was one of the worst nights I've ever had. In fact, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. And when I stopped crying I couldn't breathe,I flushed red, and I cried. The worst part is I didn't even have a reason to cry. Or at least that's what he said.

But, I wonder do you ever need a reason to feel? Is it like I have to get a permit, pass go and collect NO 200$?Screw that! & that's when I stopped crying and started getting real. Tears do nothing but smudge mascara and give delicious salt filled pellets to my smooth lips. Tears have never saved any one and they won't save me. So this morning when I woke up , I crossed out everything I scribbled in my journal and instead wrote 'Fuck yes, I blame her,them, they and every other person that pissed me off yesterday and I allowed to do so.'

But, more than anyone I blame him, the nameless Writing Tutorial Services dude. He doesn't even get a name. All I needed was a thesis statement. I had an entire list of ideas, plot lines, and characters I wanted to include. In fact, I had a working thesis it just wasn't the thesis I needed. And you know what he said "Oh well I didn't read the book." But, I didn't freak out then no I held my composure. He didn't need to read the book to help me, the person who DID read the book but, NO! After 23 mins, this happened:

Jerk off writer dude: Well, I think you've got a good idea.
Me: Oh I understand that. I just am not verbalizing it correctly
JOWD: Well, then you need to verbalize
Me: *smiles*
JOWD: I mean, I'm not going to write your paper for you.
Me: Well, of course because it's MY paper not to mention you haven't read the novel.
JOWD: Duh, I'm not required to read every book for every student that needs help.
Me: Well I know that but...

[unnecessary stare down]
yes it really happened

Me: Fine, I guess I can just do it on my own then
JOWD: Duh, it's your paper. And since you already know everything then do it yourself, you don't need to be here.
Me: Apparently I don't. I suppose I'll just have to work through it. *smiles*
JOWD: Yeah, I'm done with you, you just seem to be celebrating your ignorant excuse of a paper.
Me: *stares back wordless*

Then I got up and left. On my way out I stopped by the front desk to ask for his supervisors contact information. Then I asked for his name. I assured him it wasn't my intent to get him fired to which his rude ass replied "Oh that wouldn't happen anyways, and I'm not allowed to give out my name". Bullballs! You're not allowed to give out your name!? But, I didn't cause a scene despite his escalating tone. I explained that it is a knee jerk reaction of mine to smile when I get tense. It started in my pre-teens around 9/11. Yeah, that's when I learned that as a Muslim you want to cause as little trouble as possible when in public. So I politely apologized as did he and I left. I walked to the parking lot alone as three tears escaped my eyes.

Then I awoke this morning to realize that my religion shouldn't not be an invitation to be disrespected. I'm Muslim and will verbalize my opinion. I cried for him last night. It won't happen again.

[In case you can't see the actual picture, click to enlarge, you'll see his notes..which include none]


Anonymous said...

Woah. Amzing post. Don't be afraid of who you are OR what you represent. You've never been that so PLEASE dn't start.

Majda said...

Three words for that guy: What a douche.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that this happened to you, I truly am, but is not just possible that this man/jerk is the same with every one? Could it be that he believes himself so far superior to EVERY student and then gets scared when he realises that he is not, that your question showed him up to be a jerk?

So sorry.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry Perplxin. I truly hope you make a big stink and mention the obvious discrimination. With an economy like this, frankly someone else should be allowed to step in his shoes. There ar MILLIONS who'd love his job. Love you!

D said...

Great quote at the beginning. I'm sorry that this happened to you. What a jerk!

Umm Omar said...

oooh, this is such a sticky subject for me. Those kind of people really make my blood boil. For years, I would deal with them...meaning I would tell them off/fight/scream/call them out for discrimination/whatever, no matter the time or place, and then it just got so emotionally exhausting and plus, after I had kids, I also felt like I was setting a bad example of how to deal with my anger and obnoxious people. Anyway, you're right. Don't cry for him or because of him. Those type of people aren't even worth the time of day. Seriously.

Nickie. said...

WHat an asshole! I can't even believe someone would say that..I'm at a loss of words myself.

Anonymous said...

as salam aleykum sister
as said Moannie this gut iis maybe an every day jerk with almost all people mybe it is not personal ad he doesn't care about the fact that u are muslim

nonetheless there is probability that he acted this way because of ur religion but only God knows best

it is story of my life i am french so everyday it is the same for me i met at least one jerk per week but i am ready i know how to react and what to do

i am happy u met that jerk and that he spoked to u that way, because next time u will meet one other jerk u will be prepared
but don't get me wrong i am really sorry for the pain and the hurt u feel
it is go to cry sometimes, plus u know Allah understand ur pains and will make it easy for u just be strong and make du'as

Anonymous said...

I thought this post was about how he made you feel and how he took advantage of your weakness not about discrimination.

Like you said don't let your religion be an excuse not to cuss his dumbass out!

z-dizzle said...

i totally feel ya! and you should be mad at her, them, they....that guy had no right to be so rude to you. You are a beautiful person and you can def stand up for yourself, i understand it prolly wasn't the right time to get all ghetto fab...i would've lol...but it was great, i love reading these :)