Dated October of 2000:
My lip hurts alot now. It's cause I bit it all day long. I bite like her.It's only because she does it. Everyone watches her when she pops the gum. I wonder what it tastes like.It was written in gel pen on a piece of pink laced paper. It smells of Lilac and fresh laundry-- from the private school girl uniforms I used to wear I'm sure. It's about the jet-black haired girl that sat across from me everyday. There were always two captains. I was one and she was the other. She would chew gum and pop it making everyone on edge in that over populated classroom. I thought she was so cute with her bubbaliscious bubble gum and looping side ponytails. I hated her for the rest of the year but, only because I wanted to be her.
That was me. Always looking outward to receive inward approval. Was, being the operative word. I used to think it was cute, biting my lip. The trouble is alot of people agree. Now, I bit my lip in another way. Still people think it's cute.
I used to hate her, just like she hated me. Only trouble is I was hating the person I was trying so hard to be.If you cannot be a poet, be the poem, I thought. And how very foolish I was. Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep.
Lesson Learned in Grade 5:There is just one life for each of us: our own.
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13 comments:
the most fascinating thing about this is that you were so honest. I know when I was younger I felt like this sometimes, but I don't think I ever wrote down "I want to be like her".
That's some crazy stuff you're learning in 5th grade.. In 5th grade, I was still struggling with the times table.
I really liked this post.
Like REALLY liked it.
In 5th grade I believed my toys could come to life. Now, I know they do.
Good post.
Wow, that was a great post!
How beautifully honest. I think we probably all had those people in school we wanted to be like at first, but then realised how much better it was to be us. And I seem to bite my lip without realising it, thankfully I don't do it too often.
i felt the same way
I think we've all experienced this at a point in our life. Those of us who are lucky grow out of it and learn to accept themselves and their imperfection. This was beautifully written!
Ugh, just write a book already.
There was always a girl I wanted to be. Sometimes I wish I could go back with confidence, but only for a short while. Good post.
Now that I look back on it, it was so much harder to be someone i wasnt. i dont even know why i bothered. It was stressful!
James Morrison? I always listen to him when I take breaks from my "no music" periods.
Beautiful post, mash'Allah!
@ Sarah Alaoui- I was a more profound version of Harriet the spy, minus the Harriet and the spy but, other than that we were the same kid.
@ Cheryl- I still don't know my times tables.
@ CC- excited much? :)
@ Ano- Thanks for sharing. Not sure what to say to such a comment.
@ Omega Radium- Thanks.
@ DK- it was your post that triggered the memory. Reminds me of how much of that curly haired bubble gum eater we have in us all.
@ Z- You had an Alaa K in your class too? Perhaps we were bound to be friends
@ Hijabee- So I've heard, thanks for the wonderful compliment and keep me posted on the baby, of course.
@ Ano- I consider it more and more every day. Any suggestions?
@ Mona- I don't think I would go back. I think going back would alter the past but, also the future.
@ CA- Ugh, way too true. It was stressful, and unnecessary....well at least stressful. I think it's necessary to appreciate the person I am now.
@ Garage Sale- Yes, I've recently rediscovered him. No pun intended. It's weird because sometimes I feel like his words are actually mine. Further proof that everywhere I go I meet myself.
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