The Lord Giveth & The Lord Taketh Away, Breasts Are Optional

Since the Bronchitis post I've come to realize how very often we take things like urinating and breathing without opening our mouths for granted. Friday night I burst into tears then, I stopped breathing. Yes, actually stopped breathing. No worries it's not nearly as exciting or traumatic as it sounds. Or perhaps this is because I passed out and don't remember.

My mother picked me up from my condo drove two hours home where she ushered me inside her house all too eager to cram random drugs down my throat. Let us recall that my throat was closing up, placing something--anything-- down my tube would only cause me to pass out....again. But, alas this is my mother and drugs, ducktape, and lemon juice could heal the world. Luckily however she stopped at the drugs. I was rushed to Urgent Care where I was more properly diagnosed. You readers are unaware that despite my diagnosis I didn't get it from a Doctor. No, no, no going to the Doctor when you feel ill would have been all too realistic, I WebMD --cause I'm a baller. But, I'm also a baller with 4 infections. *sad face* Yes, 4-- throat, lung, double ear, and sinus. The good news though is that I was right! I do have bronchitis...just in addition to the other 4 infections I didn't anticipate or the 101 fever. But other than that stuff I was right. The doctor gave me 5 prescription meds which means I'm about as doped up as Whitney.

As a result I lay around on the couch and think of various things Blogworthy. Here are a list of things I think about:

1. If I had to choose between using the effort I have to blog or pee which would I do?
2. If a man is a jerk and he's afraid of commitment is he jerk chicken?
3. What ever happened to Dustin Diamond?
   
4. I think the answer to number 1 is obvious
   
5. Who thought of the order that numbers go in? I mean doesn't six sound smaller than five. Listen to it...Fi--IVE-uh
6. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
7. Do they bury people with their braces on?
8. If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
9. McDonalds should start selling babies. It would lower the fertility rates, increase adoptions, and answer the age old question "where DO babies come from?"
10. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

In closing I leave you with this, my doctor prescribed steroids because apparently they heal the world. Then he added "so your throat won't be the only thing swelling and tender to touch." But, I feel like doctors shouldn't have to prescribe cup sizes, just drugs. I've Also been thinking about the Swine Flu an awful lot. Could I have the Swine Flu--my symptoms match perfectly. But, I've never had swine except once at Chuckie E Cheese's when I was 6. How was I supposed to know that pork wasn't exclusive to Pepperoni? The Muslim with Swine Flu--you heard it first!