Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings Post # 5- I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

Despite popular myth much of reality is false. And when an angry client graced me with his cold shoulder because I wouldn't 'massage his pain' I realized I was wrong.

Now I'm not saying I should've stretched him as his actual personal trainer would have but, I could have mentally soothed his pain. Too often in my life I bandage mistakes and ignore bruised egos pulsing forward till the end. But, it was in that moment that I realized I wasn't living at all, I was functioning, coping, surviving. But, for what? Shit, you've only got one life to live...unless you're a kitty. And, I'm no pussy, and this is no fairytale. It's Friday and I'm alive, finally.


Friday Fragments//Jumuah Jottings #5

Whenever my sister (16) calls customer service reps about random complaints she usually gets her way. Then of course they turn on her and start trying to sucker her into 'NEW and IMPROVED' offers. It's beyond amusing because instead of just hanging up like normal people she begins screaming "I believe in Jesus! I believe in Jesus! (pause) Sir, my other line is ringing and it might be God. I have to go."

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Did anyone else hear about Johnny Depp converting to Islam? I say it's true and not just because I'm the one to marry him. Personally I’ve always thought that Johnny Depp and Hamza Yusuf had an uncanny resemblance. Fine, don't believe me.


Read the full story here.
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Over Heard Moments in Ptexan's Life:

Hipster teen:Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat:Welcome to the recession, buddy!

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

Hot Physics Lab Instructor: "There's a little bit of failure in everyone."-- some people deserved to be hurt.
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Did You Know?!

• The only place in the universe where a flag flies all day, never goes up or comes down, never flies half-mast and does not get saluted, is the moon.
• Halle Berry’s stunt double, in the movie “Catwoman”, is a man.
• The mother of the boy Michael Jackson is accused of abusing is named 'Janet Jackson'.

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Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well.

-FMyLife

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Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking becoming a marriage and family relationships therapist. One should never begin there mornings at 10am overhearing:


Grey-haired grandma to another: "Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking."

woah...at least I can't.

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Word of the Week

VOCD-"Volume Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder"
Function: Noun

A psycho-neurotic disorder in which the television viewer is beset with obsessions or compulsions or both to adjust the volume on the television to a "perfect" number, such as 15, 20, 25, etc. and suffers extreme anxiety or depression through failure to adjust the volume or witnessing an "imperfect" number (9, 16, 31).

Joe has VOCD bad it's worse than Christina Bales anger issues.


(thanks to my bff Zahra for having such strong OCD)
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The almost not-so-boss-boss asked me out to lunch on Saturday. It's not a date type of asking out though. I told him I couldn't because I didn't speak the language of cheesy pick up lines.


Then he said "So uhh..because I'm trying to make a deposit you just lost interest?"

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I absolutely loath tea and anyone who knows me knows I avidly collect satchels from all over the world. Like coffee, a good cup of tea is all in the brewing and steeping. Steep it too long and it tastes bitter; too short and you’re drinking muddy hot water. TeaCubes make it easy by placing the tea bag on a timed retractable spool. Hands free and a good cup of tea. What more could a tea lover ask for!


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One of the kids in my 4th grade had a birthday this week. I don't exactly conduce in class partys
but, her family's not so well off and she deserves something. So we had cupcakes and sparkling fruit juice. One of the boys slammed down the plastic cup exclaiming, "hey they bought the cheap stuff!" No kid we didn't, you're just used to the real stuff.

(for those of you who didn't understand he's been getting a bit tipsy before recess)
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(click image for larger view)

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Ron Paul has no alarm clock, but instead wakes every morning to the call of freedom.

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Remember the in class party? (above)

Yeah, we handed out cards. When James gave his card to Kylie he said, "I bought this card in the ghetto supermarket , that's why it smells like dead chicken."

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Does anyone ever stop to wonder why it's taking them so long to do a task? Sometimes it takes me about 20 mins just to put shoes on, no lie. Perhaps Youtube is decreasing my intelligence.

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Useless information I learn as a Marriage and Family Relationship therapist

1.)A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex - That explains almost every Muslim I've ever met.

2.)Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10x more effective than Valium.

3.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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D- Bag of the Week

my doctor

For those say 2 of you who care about my weight endeavors I bitched the doctor out about lent to which he said "Don't blame Jesus for your fat lil missy." Apparently obesity is one sin He won't take credit for :|

Apparently my cortisol(a stress hormone) levels are so high they could build a staircase to the moon. Doctor says even if I tried starving myself or working out for hours upon hours the fat won't budge. The ONLY way to loose the 24+ lbs is by de-stressing. Yeah, hearing that stressed me out.