2.18.2009

Goodbye My Almost Lover, Goodbye My Hopeless Dream

...Sometimes people date people that aren't dating them back. It gets terribly complicated around the time that restraining orders and Thanksgiving dinner roll around. I'm slowly discovering that my appearance is probably the biggest misconception about me. People think I'm the next Orange County Housewife or Real World cast member with dazzling teeth and height to boot, and then I open my mouth.

I'm finding that opening my mouth wouldn't be so bad either, if one thing didn't follow. But, that one thing does follow. It's a thought. You see I'm more than just a face or a name; I am an ambiance. And somewhere between the ex-best friend texting me back a blank text and the participant at work who said "Ya know, you were so much cuter with your mouth closed," I decided that I'm worth more than a blank text or a closed mouth. I'm not exactly sure what it is that I'm worth, but, I'm sure that I'm worth more than I am worthless. Catch that?

I'm ridiculous and witty, loud and abrasive. Yes, I do beg to differ and proud that I talk before I speak. I called to tell my mother of my new found talents to which she responded, "wth is wrong with you?! You mean to tell me your only good for your mouth?" Yes, she actually said wth, not what the hell, but wth. And yes, an annoying and highly unnecessary conversation about safe sex and abstinence soon ensued. Geez ma get your mind out of the gutter!

Moral of the story is I'm too far proud of the person I am now because, of the people I was then. Time has made me a stronger, confident, and more secure person. I play Guitar Hero and wear heels. I teach 4th graders by day and train in sex and massage therapy by night, sue me. I'm my yin to my own yang and damn proud of it! To my ex-bestie I will always love you as a person. You are amazing in ways words can not define. You were a dazzling baby boy but, I'm done loosing myself in search of you as a man.


19 comments:

Paris said...

Time has made me a stronger, confident, secure person. <---good words! Don't change who you are inside...there WILL be someone that will come along and love you for you!!

Have a good day! :)

Anonymous said...

"My almost lover", beautifully said. I don't think men know what they're missing out on when their inner douche bag is released.

Constructive Attitude said...

hahahha. ur mom is funny.

as for the rest, especially the end where you came to that self-realization: AMEN!

Sarah Jane said...

New Music? I'm in love.
You should re-do your template to I loved your old Div lays.

MarjnHomer said...

I'm not exactly sure what it is that I'm worth but, I'm sure that I'm worth more than I am worthless.

I love that quote. we need more women in the world who are less of afraid of what others will think and stating thier opinion. some days i wish i had more guts like you. and a mouth intimidates lots of guys if they don't know what they will get from you..

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

Paris- It takes girls forever to build up what men try and destroy in a few seconds with their inappropriate, inconsiderate, remarks. I just hope Prince Charming comes with a little insurance.

Ano- Which him are you referring to? My him? Ex-best friend him or stupid turkey day him?

CA- Moms are always funny when they aren't your own.

Sarah Jane- well well well look who made a blogger comeback. I was inspired during tap today hence the music swap.

floreta said...

awww, well written entry. such a strength! thanks for stopping by my blog.

Hassan said...

ahahah! I love when super religious moms especially Muslim ones try ..and fail at the sex talk.

They always end a marriage talk.

Cheryl said...

I think I love you a little more after this post. I don't know why.

Yaya said...

Love that you are including us in your personal path of growth toward being a more confident individual!


(love the song too!)

Mrs4444 said...

Good for you; the older we get, the more it's up to us to love ourselves, and it sounds like you've got it down, heehee. That is an adorable child. Is he yours?

Mrs4444 said...

P.S. Love the name of your blog :)

jb said...

Pt.....thanks for dropping by and where do i sign up for the sex and massage classes. As for your mouth don't keep it shut, just say what needs to be said, stand tall and be who you want to be and screw the rest because your more then words......your strenght,power,beauty and love. Your day will come.

Take Very Good Care
JB

Paris said...

Stopped by to say hello...hope you have a good weekend. :)

ocean said...

Hi Friend.. Interesting post.. Keep up the good work.. Do visit my blog and posy your comments.. Take care mate.. Cheers!!!

MarjnHomer said...

you're blog makes me think and i love the way you write. i would like my writing to improve and am still working on it. that said. i award you the cute's blog award. pick it up from my blog

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

MHomer- Yeah I use backwards lingo like that alot, I think it's because I write as I talk, which is as I think. So technically you like the way I think. So thanks, I think! :)

Floreta-Oh you're so very welcome

Hassan- Yes, in my family everything ends with a marriage talk. Unless it's a "Mama what's for dinner?" talk

Cheryl- I've always loved you. & no it's not you're hot hobbit like ways either :P

Yaya- I include people far too often but, I'm glad I included you.

Mrs.4444- Glad you like my name. I think it's a positive reflection of my roots. No, that adorable creature is not mine. I don't think I'm capable of birthing such beauts. He would be a reflection of the ex-best friend described in this post.

JB- ofc your welcome, I adore your thoughts. The class is taught on my university it's part of my marriage counseling diploma program. Ofc you can come just know that it can get messy.

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

Paris- Thanks for coming back. Not gonna lie I wish I read your comment before the actual weekend. :|


Ocean- Glad you stopped by. I'll check you out sometime, thanks for commenting.

MJHomer- Oh joy, thanks a bundle. Your writing is great, it'll come with time, practice, and passion. My writing actual isn't that breathe taking but, thank you.

Gina said...

I had a best friend/almost lover about 10 years ago and it took me a while, but now I am truly relieved we didn't end up together. He resurfaced in my life a few years ago, which was fun, but again had me thanking my lucky stars that I married the man I did. Considering I would have literally done anything to be with him back in the day, this was pretty amazing. I wish you the same...even if you have to wait a while for it.