When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

Thanksgiving Day Part I

It's 4:45 am. It's amazing how perfect strangers impact the person you are both today and tomorrow.I stand in line at Khol's watching the man in khakis lay on the ground. Then there's an 8 month pregnant chick being smashed into the sliding glass doors. Over and Over and Over again. Then there's that 35ish yr. old man who suffered a severe head trauma after being trampled by angry 'bargain shoppers'. I wonder if he could buy back his life if they had killed him. Or maybe a bit of self-conscious dignity would be buy-one-get-one 50% off. Funny how the mob has several heads yet no brain. I was angered for a had no new shoes, then I met a man who had new legs. And appreciation is something that only comes with loss.

The 3 of us arrived at Saxs that morning in Jessie's 2006 Land Rover. We are dressed in Uggs and designer jeans. It's not about the labels though. It's about the meaning they carry. For me, Uggs are like walking on clouds. They are a comfort. Jessie values the fact that her parents can afford them. They are a symbol of status. And for Zahra her Uggs mean accomplishment. She earned the right to wear them. They are only a reflection of her inward sense of accomplishment.
We giggled our way past the cascading doors and by the man in the red suit. He was a tall man but of medium build and rings a bell for a living. His job is simple; raise funds. Proceeds benefit the Salvation Army & Riley's Hospital for Children. It really is a good cause, but I didn't give a dime.

He bothers me and won't stop watching my expressions. He sees something in me that I don't see in myself. I wish I knew what it is. I grow nauseous glaring at his sign which reads "Need has NO season. Now is the time." Here I was about to drop an easy 300$ within an hour but, I couldn't stop for 1 second to donate 1$, to a dieing child. I was sliding my card for a new iTouch when a tear escaped my eye. Temptation was killing me. But, ignorance would be the death of me. I knew better. Zahra squeezed my hand tightly, almost breaking my circulation and silently walks me out of the store. "I couldn't stand it either" she whispered. I put a 50$ bill in the mans red bucket and a 10$ bill in his pocket.

The world went still. He was proud. He looks at me, "you know sunshine, If you really want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." The sudden need to vomit disappeared. The temptation to overindulge subsided. We left the mall in the same shoes, same clothes that we arrived. We just sported different labels.

Thanksgiving Day Part II

Way back when me and "Mr.Hopeful" still had a possibility of being together and getting married he said something that really bothered me. He said, "even if you leave and are happy I'll still have a part of you." He meant it in a semi-enduring manner, a - oh yeah well if you leave i'll still love you- type tone. The only problem is now it's become the truth. I haven't spoken to him in about 9 months, I mean we speak but, we don't talk. You see when people say "Hey how are you?" They don't really want to know how you are. It's a common courtesy to check- ya know just in case. The thing is somewhere along the lines of me maturing, challenging my own ideals and discovering self, he lost his. He's fallen into habits like you wouldn't believe.

Before we left his place his mother asked him to go into the kitchen and fitch something. Because he couldn't find it he got in her face and called her a "dumb fu*k", and no unfortunately he didn't stop there. And she, well, she just took it. We left his family's headed for mine and the brilliant Thanksgiving spread which awaited us. We dropped him off at a friends house. He stole an unwanted hug and waved g'bye. She glared at me like she knew me. But, after the whole ordeal on Black Friday I was in NO mood to be labeled. Sarah's the latest fling on his list of things 'to do'. She's a small brunette too tall for her weight and more conniving than most give her credit for. [See post here] She's found a way to capture his attention for now and I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm thinking, I'm the only one "Ok" with it. I do not believe anyone wants them to be happy, not even themselves.

Anyways-Me, his mom, and sisters sat in the black Camry heat on high, windows rolled low. My bangs escaped my scarf and fluttered into my blushed face. The music was blaring the mood was soft, exact. Then his mom swiftly glances back and says "you know this is all your fault" She wasn't angry she just seemed so certain, matter of fact. 'This whole thing, with her-Sarah. It's your fault.' My fault?


Even now the words haunt me.