When A Heart Breaks, It Don't Break Even

Boom went the thunder and lighting and ring went then phone. I lay still on the twin size bed as his sister clinched my hand tighter, afraid the tornado would take her away. Boom went the thunder and clinch went her fist, grasping at my skin, barely asleep, yet, wide awake. Crash went the wind slamming against the window pane and ring went the phone. The house, the weather, the family finally lay still, ring went the phone, "Yes, I love you" went him.

Love is in the air, the very air that I breathe. It's the very air that hung so heavy last night, sinking in deeper, knowing that after I heard love, I found hate. Many would assume that love is a positive thing but, love like change, requires both now and then. The then to this story is me. It's less the physical representation of me and more the mental. I am Muslim. He is Muslim. But, she isn't. So he loves what isn't me. He loves her, she who isn't Muslim, she who shouldn't be.

For centuries, culture has played a tug of war with those of ambition. Those souls who dare to think, or rather, love outside of the box. Think of the Boleyean girls daring to marry up for power, wealth, and status. Think of Princess Diana and her Egyptian boyfriend, or perhaps more recently with Kobe Bryant and his Caucasian girl wonder. Think of those who joined in union because of love but, divided communities, families, and lives because of the hate the union brought on. Think of Pochantos and John Smith, the tale of a man who wasn't afraid to show his parents what he loves, who he loves. Now think of yourself and what role you play into all of this.

A great friend of mine, Ms. Latifa, a Muslim slam-poet, from Atlanta, Georgia receives high acclaim for her poem 'My 9/11 story.' My favorite poem however is entitled, 'Plan B', in it she writes, "honestly, I didn't think you would marry me. Maybe Aliyah, or Zakiah, but at the community picnic the other day you introduced me to your new wife, Tamika." The poem continues, telling the story of a girl enraged by the pattern of Muslim men dating outside of their religion. And while in Islam such a merger is allowable, I, too, am enraged.

You see unlike marrying outside of color, or culture, in a community where religion is life, it's hard explaining why your best friends' brother lay awake at 2am, in damn near tears, over a Catholic girl from Indiana. My beef isn't with her as a person, she's nice, polite, quaint but, in many ways she's everything I'm not. At the end of the day she isn't Muslim. She doesn't hold the same beliefs, values, customs, as we do. And while it may seem that I'm jealous, I'm more disappointed than anything. Because within the Islamic community there are plenty of nice,polite, quaint, girls but, he chose her.

As Ms.Latifa so boldly states, "And this is not about her, its about the fact that you could of had any muslimah, any Zakiya, any Alliyah, but instead of you trying to keep our community intact, you want to start from scratch." I'm sick of these non-muslim chicks who don't know the struggle but, are getting all the perks, when we have been putting in all the work. How can we build our ummah if your wife is going to church? Some might say but, 'there are so many other Muslim men to choose from, why do you need him' but, in all honesty there isn't. And now we're one less.

Ms.Latifah continues, making the point that perhaps the Muslim men seek such women, because us, Muslim women, serve as a reminder, and they just don't want to be reminded. She doesn't know that verse in the Quran when you are wrong, but you know that I will find it. So, as one of those reminders, just let me remind you how much it hurts. It's not like marrying outside of color, or culture, it's religion. And it's more than acceptable as the Prophet Muhammd (saws) married a Christan women, as well as a Jewish one. And for him I can see why, he was an example that it is allowable for Muslim men to marry any woman of the monotheistic religions, conditionally speaking. If he hadn't done such, and it wasn't allowable it would provide grounds for further segregation and divisions, which is not Islam. But what about all the other Muslim men, the non-examples, the ones who insist on "starting from scratch?" What about those just like my friends brother who had every oppurtunity to create a Muslim family but, decided to leave yet another Muslim sister without a husband instead? And, I don't mean for us to sound like charity cases, or dependat upon the Muslim brothers that don't deserve us, I mean the men, not the boys. To the men let me be the one to ask why?

Boom went the rain and down fell my hopes of him not being with her.


PerplxinTexan♥ said...

PT DISCLAIMER: This post was written of frustration, not hate for any of the parties involved. If you posses a differing or relevant opinion and comment, please leave it below. Intelligent remarks are welcomed.

Anonymous said...

I love your writing style and how you presented both sides with out saying which is better. I also like that you brought up new points like that the prophet married women from outside of Islam, lots of peppz forget that.

controlled chaos said...

This might not count as an intelligent remark, but at first I had no idea what was going on. I was so confused.

Anyways, I don't know if I agree or disagree. I haven't seen or heard many cases of muslim men marrying christian or jewish women.
I've heard of maybe like 2 max. SO maybe that's why I'm not seeing it as a big deal.

I think it might be the appeal of having someone different.
But I agree with your argument of having one less. It's true. And I see why it can be frustrating.

LiLu said...

Being of the mind that everyone should be able to marrying anyone in the world they want, this is really interesting to read. I get it. I'm not saying you've changed my mind, but I understand.


lala said...

i think that muslim ppl shud first foremost marry a gud muslim regardless of race, ethnicity, naitonality etc if they cn make a gud marriage thn they shud go for it

in islam men r allowed to marry women who r ppl of the book..my Q is, can you count the women/ppl who are xtians and jews today to be ppl of the book, in the same way they wer in the prophet saw's time?? im not too sure........

also, islamically u r sposed to look for a muslim woman first

i agree our men do need to look wihtin the ummah first, n they probli rnt bcos most will expect an islamic way of living..n it is tru there r few men who r good men...this also links in with the fact that beleving women will outnumber men so much that each man will bcme responsible for 50 women...this is a sign of day of judgment

frm my experience - i knw muslims frm various communities since i worked ina mosque for a number of yrs as well as within the muslim community of a large city in uk - the men r mre likely to hv been in a relationship with muslim n non muslim girls thn wmen

Marwa E said...

I love that an intelligent Muslim sister posted about this. You never think it could happen to you or come to your community and then it does. You see like a legit muslim man marrying a Christian woman and although it's completely allowable you wanna go , yo what's up with that. I see the hurt. You should write her and let her know how much that poem touches you. Pain is best carried in plural.

Constructive Attitude said...

I think Muslim men who do this, marry outside of the religion, just do it to be a rebel,to be different, and like you said because they dont want to be reminded perhaps. But I havent seen many cases like this happen either.

And who is to say that he doesnt truly love that girl (Christian,Jewish, whatever the case may be) and who is to say that he wont try to bring her to the right path.


I feel a bit out of place here tonite. I am not Muslim.
I don't see other people , men or women, as to what religion they practice or skin color, or nationality.
To me people are human beings, God's creation. And our purpose on this earth as I believe is to serve our Lord, and each other and to love one another.
But I do understand what you are saying. I've heard it said before about the black man. Why do they choose white women? I don't know the answers to these questions. I do however feel badly that you are so hurt, and I hope you find the right Muslim man for you some day. You will, I am sure of it :)
take care my friend,
Julian :)