And so the lion fell for the lamb...

Twilight, is a tale of a normal high school girl who falls in love with a not-so-normal high school boy. The saga of Bella Swan and the bloodsucking Edward Cullen gained Meyers a Beatle-esque following of fans. With that kind of built-in fanbase, who could blame Hollywood for wanting a bite of that juicy, red money-making apple? The thirst for money over content becomes blatantly apparent within the first 10 mins of film.

Twilight is a thematically flawed film based on a book that was ingenious in conceit but generically written. The strengths of one are the flaws of the other, and vice versa.For the most part the characters, setting, and plot remain the same. The movie begins to loose it's touch rushing through a series of characters, locations, and scenarios making the story line difficult to follow.

Edward comes across as 100ish-year-old albino who likes classical music and deer blood while Bella is a quiet teen from a broken home who likes sweaters, ballet and alone time. The most crucial aspect of Twilight is the love of Bella & Edward. In the movie however all of that seems minor at best.

Sure, the basic premise of vampire meets girl, both fall madly in love is buried somewhere in the shotty acting, distorted time line, and weak production. But, that ladies and gents is why Twilight failed in the manner in which it has. The details are in the fabric and it seems the script-writer didn't get the memo "Hey, P.S. Twilight is based on a BOOK."

  • [Screen Writer]Remember back in middle school when you forgot to read the actual book? Well let's just say that the screen writer did alot of texting Cha Cha/ Spark Notes reading.
  • The editor doesn't get off so easy either. He came across as a procrastinating college student who turned in Twilight as a rough draft for an 8 am midterm with no sleep and less than 24hrs notice. [Since when can Vampires fly?]
  • The actors get no blame from me. But, this isn't because they have talent. This is because between the bore of a script that was 'dialogue' and horrid timeline they weren't given an opportunity to perform as they should--Save the exception of "Charlie".
  • The Production Team should have the insight to recognize potential conflicts between characters & scenarios.Seems to me that somewhere during production a person was missing to ask a simple, "seriously, what the hell?!"

  • **When Bella and Edward share their first kiss they come across overtly sexual and entirely too eager, most importantly, Bella appears without pants on. If he's so afraid of her fragile state and beauty then why approach her alone, at night, in a dark bedroom, while she wears no pants?!

    **Rosalie cooks dinner, with winter mittens on. Who wears mittens indoors? Jasper has all of 3 lines in the film. 'Billy Black' is apparently fluent in Ebonics. Jacob, a main character in the 2nd book, appears but thrice- each for less than 5 mins and , is she seriously gonna try and convince me that in a town of 3k people there's a minority around every corner?

    ** Bella and Edward go from from near-restraining orders to a boundless love.Seriously who do they think they are fooling? The Cullen's seem too eager to accept Bella as 'family'-- despite the fact that they have known her all of a week. They risk everything they've built within Forks AND their very lives to protect her. Uh, seriously? Way to be expedient with your trust and affections, folks.

    **The best part of Twilight had to be the height and texture of Robert Pattinson's hair.The utter defiance of gravity to the beautiful R. Pattz's haloesque coiffure is truly the most magical thing in the film. He plays on screen as a total babe but, this is the extent to his 'talent'.Much of Bella's action takes place during a turrets-like seizure occurring from a 'venom' bite.Kristen Stewart is a cutie but her character is whiny, clingy and has a nearly unbalanced obsession. I'm glad there were other voices of reason within the theater moaning ,"The hell is wrong with this brod she known him for 8 mins!?"

Twilight is a decent movie.With it's unintentional humor, subdued wit, and enticing scenery Twilight definitely posses the ability to be a beautiful movie. In fact, I would watch the film again. Books can be made into movies without completing loosing all dignity: Harry potter,LOTR,X- Men, Sisterhood of... etc. Twilight fails.Of all scenes 'Family baseball' is a sure fan favorite. But, that's because it's true to both the characters and the novel. Much of the budget was spent on expensive scenes/angles while the rest of the movie (including it's entire plot) suffered.Twilight wasn't disappointing, it is dissatisfying. In all realism I didn't expect the movie to be half as mind blowing as the book. But, there is a line between a movie which interrupts the vision of the book and that in which the movie doesn't do (the book) it justice.

The cinematography, soundtrack, and location were not only a huge plus but probably what saved the little of Twilight that's decent.The deal with Apple and Google remain disgustingly apparent and obnoxiously noted. Twilight is just awkward.It has 'fangs that aren't bared, and a bloodlust that isn't indulged.'The entire movie becomes not only, hard to follow but, a struggle. I read the series and while I appreciate Stephanie Meyers as a writer I wish she had the insight to fight for the film Twilight could have--better yet, should have, been. The movie unintentionally plays out as a parody to the book. And, that's venomous.

This film gets: C-


Anonymous said...

Brilliant Critic.

Ever consider writing professionaly?

controlled chaos said...

Wow that was really well written.
hmm completely puts me to shame...
I completely agree with Ms. Anonymous from above. Even consider it????

Omar E said...

Woah it's like everything I wanted to say but more witty minus the fact that it's complete GARBAGE!

You've got some catch phrases goin' on lil mama.

"Way to be expedient with your trust and affections, folks." --hhahahhah!

fuelMybrain said...

You are fabulous at putting our thoughts down into words... :-) I could not exert the energy to begin tracing my thought process throughout this film. I got to a point where I decided to embrace my book knowledge of the tail and integrate it into the movie... God knows it needed it!