Conversations W/Muslims #12: I'll Take Calligraphy & Then I'll Make a Fake Degree...

Spring means the awakening of two things, nature and haram. But, it also means the occurrence of the annual End-o-Term MSA (Muslim Student Association) picnic. And while most people across America are packing picnic-like necessities, towels, toothpicks, food, Frisbees, and the like my MSA packed up a hookah. Yes, a hookah, in fact there were 3 total, and not only were they present but, mandatory. Truth be told I love Muslims, they're hilarious with their cats on leashes and cotton candy hookah flavorings. And perhaps someday these mishaps, better known as my life, will make me very rich but, today they just made me laugh out loud. Not one but, two people caught on fire before Tarif took over and deemed himself "Baba BBQ," during which to other MSA members showed with their indoor cats, on leashes I might add, to an outdoor picnic.

The Syrians started smoking but, left the main area to do so, out of respect I suppose, I can never tell. But, the Turks, never to be outdone by the Syrians, decided to use the lighter fluid to light their cigars, yes cigars, which of course lead to them catching on fire. I contemplated making a hellfire joke but, resisted. And when all was quite I was beckoned. Hassan pulled me over to the side to discuss a 'very pressing concern.' Surely, it is not marriage, why must it be marriage I thought. Now however I think a marriage talk would have been a blessing to what he actually wanted. From what I was actually listening to, he thinks I'm one of the more attractive MSA girls and that he suggests if I lost any more weight that I begin wearing niqab. Comments like these confuse me and so I just stood there until he started scratching his beard. That was it. I told him that while I appreciate his comments I must politely disagree and was feeling rather thirsty so I must get a drink. Apparently me being dehydrated wasn't legitimate of a reason for me to leave because he still had a more pressing concern. I humored him and listened to his plea, that is until I realized what he was saying. He wants to remove the "M" from MSA. No joke. And then that was really it for me. I told him to momentarily excuse me, I was going to go get a drink.

I never came back.

As for the major details let us recall the first sentence of this post, i.e. haram. You see a month ago on an MSA National conference call a highly disturbed brother rang in reporting a 'major gender catastrophe' on his campus. The horrible issue was Extreme Frisbee and in true PerplxinTexan fashion the nervous laughter amidst awkward silence ensued. 'How haram could frisbee be' I thought. Let's just say that my MSA, and perhaps the brother who rang in's MSA, has yet again, found a way to make the halal haram. It's like tackle football with a disk. Although one could argue that the disc was merely an innocent bystander to the fondling. Boys and girls are on the same team, there was lots of jumping...so there was lots of falling [on each other], and let us never forget those delightfully and alarmingly awkward moment when a brother tried to grab a Frisbee and would miss the Frisbee. He got a handful of something, just not the disc.

The Persians told me that while they "understood my efforts but girls just don't ball." This was a direct challenge, never to be ignored, and so I accepted. Soccer and Football were out for obvious reasons. We played volleyball first to 10, best 2 out of 3. I don't take kindly to loosing. I made sure not to. Then I smiled at them and said "you're on my court now," everybody stood around and did the middle school "OOOooh, burn" PWND! They tried acting offended and took it as a you're-on-American-turf-get-a-green card-type thing. It wasn't. They lost, American or not. Maezen told me he likes when I talk to him in Spanish. I'll make sure not to anymore. Only a sixth of our entire MSA prayed at 3sr time, now that's blog worthy. And, one of the cats escaped.

What's that 700 sins to your MSA's measly 13, I'd say it was a pretty successful picnic, no?


sevencarpileup said...

Hahaha skeeeeeeeeezy. Flashing "hims" a smile eh? LOL and I love that the guy wanted to take the M out of MSA. This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I'm glad you had fun and patched things up!

sevencarpileup said...

First things first, she's not cooler than Lupe. They're on two different levels. It's like comparing Michael Jordon to Hakeem Olajuwon (not that she can even be represented by either).

Lies. Where'd you see her? When? How was it? Is she pretty? Were the Jo Bros there? I hate you.

Anonymous said...

mA, I love this blog always something fresh! And FYI you're MSA is ridiculous and amusing.

Ragheb said...

Since when is it wrong to do shisha at an MSA bbq?
I guess if someone doesn't like it they should stay away from it, but otherwise... yeah.
Alcohol would be a different story.

I was going to comment on that highly obvious "Muslim" pick up line that your MSA friend tried. But then the comment got very long, so hence I'm going to reference this post as an inspiration for the next post on my blog.

Thank you madame jee.

sevencarpileup said...

Ok, so you met both Hannah Montana AND Kelly Clarkson at a local 7-11? Man I'm bout to come over there and just sit inside that 7-11 forever.

Secondly, the Badats DO rule Houston! I didn't know about them until this year when I became friends with one. And then we went to northside for a barbeque and he had 578530857836 cousins.

Which Badat did you meet?