I Close My Eyes So That I Can See...

"Let the miracles rush in"
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The rain trickles down my nose and I feel my cheeks flush hot red. I run inside my room, it's temperature is a minty shelter of heat. I stand on my tippy toes glancing from the pier and see the bright parade of umbrellas which seemingly march on their own, like little ants across the campus square.Each of the different colors makes the sidewalk seem so alive, happy, and liberated. I push my bed into the very center of my room,just cause I can, and there I sit, still moist from the rain, and there I hide. I bury myself deep beneath my fluffed and pampered sheets. Then, I smile. I giggle and think 'now, I'm safe'.

It's precisely days like this where the rain won't stop and the wind sings a song I want hot cocoa. It's the minutes slowly ticking by with such precision that I remember. It's the world that matters not it's people. It's times I like this I wish I could capture forever. It's these type of seconds that I wish I was married. Married not for the title or the commitment but just so I would have a partner to get lazy with my love.

I went on a trip last weekend, spelunking. Although I must admit it wasn't my ideal weekend, I give the coordinator my undying gratitude. No pun intended. Even now as I try scanning my vocabulary of SAT prep words I find none that describe what happened that fatal evening in Marengo Caves. The short version however, is that I attended a youth training seminar about God's miracles and life after death. We went through every step of the 'dieing' process ..but not verbally. We lay in mock graves, listened to about 10 minutes of tears and condolences from our 'family and friends'. Then the 'coffins' were lowered. Silently we sat listening to a CD were we were asked every question imaginable regarding our actions/deeds/and intentions while on this Earth. I've never been so touched. Even I the concrete angel who never exposes delicate emotion....cried.

It's different once you're gone. All I could remember were all things I meant to do. Every time I meant to say something. Knowing as I lay in those tight spaces that there was a chance I may not escape, the regret poured in. Now almost a week has passed since I got back from that fateful weekend. Still everyone wonders why I have a sudden pep in step and giggle in my voice. My friends all have their guesses: a raise at work, good grades, new car, some even guessed a new love. The truth is I found a new love, Islam. And,you would too if you had died.