10.19.2008

And She Was The Last Bit of Something That Meant Anything...

All along I knew there was something missing.

Too bad that something was me. Decades upon days, months, years and seconds of deen, ambition, and character molding have fashioned into this pivotal moment. It's that moment when tears can't fill eyes anymore and words won't allow justice. It's in those seconds when you realize the burdens of the world have abandoned you with yourself.There is no struggle or burden which Allah (swt) places on any soul which it can not handle. So why do I feel like I'm the most vulnerable soul?

I know what happened though, I know where it all went wrong.Every time I try to be what someone has thought of me I got so caught up, I wasn't able to achieve. And deep in my heart the answer it was in me. But, still I searched.

"Hayati, if you ask for a rose you must respect the thorn", my fathers promise when I was barely 4yrs of age now rings in my ears. Its defining simplicity blindingly rings true. I asked for this. But nothing feels like home and my heart is a 1,000 miles away. Ya rab, please forgive my incapacity to carry this load of stress. I really am trying my best. And now we wait to see what happens when this girls best just isn't enough.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Does your father speak Arabic? Odd, can't picture that.I'm in a similar slump but, none to fear HSM3 this friday you+ Me+ whoever= Good times.

yes?

Prescribed Placebos said...

Isn't it strange how we're all burning under the same sun?